Probing whether somebody is single or not...

[CJF]

How do you do it?

Myspace/facebook stalking?

Asking their friends? Asking around? Asking them?:confused:

[RebelAzn]

How do you do it?

Myspace/facebook stalking?

Asking their friends? Asking around? Asking them?:confused:

Why don't you just ask her? It always worked for me in the past. Even if she is not, you should still ask her. Most women would be flattered if you show interest whether they are single or not.

[nskripchun]

Finding people on FaceBook is pretty easy since everybody is supposed to be registered by their real name.

On a funny note, some friends I haven't seen since HS found me on FB that way.

[Pat the Great]

why ask? they'll tell you if they want to. and if they don't tell you, then it didn't really matter anyway...

[nightshade]

If you're wondering because you want to date this person, why don't you suggest going for dinner or something?

[Candide]

If you really want to find out, ask her an indirect question about her boyfriend. E.g say you bring up basketball during the conversation and mention the team you go for. Ask her which team she supports, and if her BF goes for the same team. Your probing intention is subtly hidden and she will tell you the truth as it just seems like a natural part of the conversation.

If you ask her a direct question with romantic intention up front, you'll get stuff like:

- "I have a BF" - when she in fact has none. <- a No aka she doesn't like you.
- "I have a BF" - Lying, but just playing hard to get. A Yes, but try harder, boy.
- "I have a BF" - she's telling you the truth.
- "I'm sort of seeing someone right now" <- a No - she might be telling you the truth, she might be not, but she doesn't like you.
- "I'm sort of seeing someone right now" <- a Yes, and she's telling the truth, but she's just showing you that you have competition. ;) It means "let's see what you've got".
- "I'm sort of seeing someone right now" <- a Maybe - she's not actually dating anyone but just saying it so that she appears popular & desirable. Are you intimidated? ;)

There are more, of course.

It's OK to be direct if you want to, but it only works well with certain girls (who prefer overt communication). With the rest, you'll be seen as coming on too strong for their liking.

The indirect question thing is what I came up with and have been tested successfully, after wasting a lot of time with attached girls who mentioned nothing of their BFs (some were ready to cheat on theirs) until it was nearly too late - nearly because I didn't want to be a cheater-enabler.


If you're wondering because you want to date this person, why don't you suggest going for dinner or something?


Too serious too soon.

[Makulita]

Echoin' nightshade's inquiry, issit because you wanna date some chick?

Either way, gather up ye nutsack and go fuckin' ask yonder silly wench. Don't puss out because oh no!rejection is a possibility. */assumption*

[Pat the Great]

again: why ask? make your moves and let her tell YOU.

[Heyyu]

I have to agree with candide. If you ask a girl straight-up with romantic intentions, many single girls might lie and say they have a BF (when they don't) just to get you off their backs.

Honestly, the best way to see if a girl is interested or not is through body language. Is there eye contact? Are you getting the right feel from your gut? If so, then I say you can ask about her dating status... just don't come off as too desperate or creepy, which is always a fine line to walk.

Another thing... never mention the word "date" or "go out to dinner" anytime you first meet a girl. For instance, "Wanna grab something to drink?" is a lot better than "Wanna go out on a date/wanna go out for dinner?" You might give the girl too much pressure and girls don't like that. And from her reply, you'll be able to tell if she's interested

[blockthebox]

Fucking Christ Almighty. Are you kidding me??? This is why Asian guys don't get any action.

Listen, you like a girl? Ask her out. No need to sit, stew, ponder and look to strangers on the internet. Just fucking ask her out already.

[Candide]

Fucking Christ Almighty. Are you kidding me??? This is why Asian guys don't get any action.

Listen, you like a girl? Ask her out. No need to sit, stew, ponder and look to strangers on the internet. Just fucking ask her out already.

It's always good to find out some information before you ask a girl out, so that you know what her response to that really means.

It's not always easy to come straight up and ask a girl out either. Let's say you've seen this cute girl a couple of times and she's always with this guy. Do you come up to her and get her number right in front of him, without knowing who he is to her? Hell no. That'd be tactless and silly. You need to find out what's the relationship between those two. Personally I'd walk up, say hi and ask a few innocent questions making the assumption that the guy is either her boyfriend or brother. If I'm wrong, she will correct me and then I'll know if I should make a move there or not.

Ask her out after you've found out that she's available and interested.

[nightshade]

Fucking Christ Almighty. Are you kidding me??? This is why Asian guys don't get any action.

Listen, you like a girl? Ask her out. No need to sit, stew, ponder and look to strangers on the internet. Just fucking ask her out already.

Hahahaha.

Seriously.

And since when does going for dinner with someone equal romantic intentions? It's a fucking meal, not a proposal. Jesus, how hard is it to say, "Dude, let's get some food."

We don't live in the 1950s, yo. Some of you are super old fashioned.

If she doesn't want to eat with you, then whatever. Move on to the next girl.

[jaehwan]

I'm in with Pat, nightshade, maku, and btb. Ask her out. Who cares if you get rejected? If you get rejected, ask someone else. Life is too short to get over-analytical on certain issues. This is one of those issues.

[Candide]

Hahahaha.

Seriously.

And since when does going for dinner with someone equal romantic intentions? It's a fucking meal, not a proposal. Jesus, how hard is it to say, "Dude, let's get some food."

Er, he likes the girl and HAS romantic intentions. Dinner or something else, it doesn't matter, the intention is there and it'd be fairly obvious to most girls. It doesn't equal any obligation on her part to return the favour.

Dinner for the first hangout/date/whatever you want to call it is usually a bad idea because it goes for too long. If the two don't click, it can be uncomfy and annoying. It also takes a certain level of commitment (taking at least half the night off) that might be too much for those who don't yet know each other. Coffee, lunch, ice cream etc are better options as it only takes 15~30m max. If there's mutual interest, you can take it from there.


I'm in with Pat, nightshade, maku, and btb. Ask her out. Who cares if you get rejected? If you get rejected, ask someone else. Life is too short to get over-analytical on certain issues. This is one of those issues.


Life is also too short to waste on being ignorant and failing over and over again without learning anything from the experience.

[RebelAzn]

Man it sure take some dudes forever to ask a girl out. Here is a trick one of my ex-flames in the past that used on me that was quite effective. We went out a few times but was never serious. Anyway, after a few months we haven't seen each other we would ran into each other and she would always ask "So, how is your girlfriend doing?" and it would force me to answer either:

a) I don't have a girlfriend right now.
b) She is doing fine.

It is not exactly a direct approach but she got the information she wanted. It would avoid that awkward moment where she would feel weird if she decided to flirt with me or something. We can then decide whatever we want to do at that point :). BTW, she did this to me after each time we have not seen each other for a few months.

So, go up to the girl and ask her "So, where are you and your boyfriend doing this weekend?" or something along that line. You can extract some info without sounding like you are hitting on her. Personally, I would just go up to her and ask her out.

[jaehwan]

Dinner for the first hangout/date/whatever you want to call it is usually a bad idea because it goes for too long. If the two don't click, it can be uncomfy and annoying.

What makes you think they won't click?

I'm in with Pat, nightshade, maku, and btb. Ask her out. Who cares if you get rejected? If you get rejected, ask someone else. Life is too short to get over-analytical on certain issues. This is one of those issues.
Life is also too short to waste on being ignorant and failing over and over again without learning anything from the experience.

What makes you so sure he's going to fail "over and over?"

What makes you so sure he's going to fail even once?

There seem to be a lot of negative assumptions here. If he thinks he's going to fail, of course he shouldn't do it. But what logical reason does he have to think he's going to fail?

If she doesn't have a boyfriend, I'd say he's got a really good shot. Goferit!

[Pat the Great]

what do you have to gain by asking if they have a significant other? i'm just curious. other than potentially ruining the mood, killing any flirtatious vibes you might have going on, and putting them in an awkward position, i mean.

[nottyboy]

How do you do it?

Myspace/facebook stalking?

Asking their friends? Asking around? Asking them?:confused:

If I have their facebook/myspace page, it's probably easiest to check there first.

How do you know this person, though?

[Heyyu]

Fucking Christ Almighty. Are you kidding me??? This is why Asian guys don't get any action.

Listen, you like a girl? Ask her out. No need to sit, stew, ponder and look to strangers on the internet. Just fucking ask her out already.

I wish more girls were like you then.

[CJF]

Fucking Christ Almighty. Are you kidding me??? This is why Asian guys don't get any action.

Listen, you like a girl? Ask her out. No need to sit, stew, ponder and look to strangers on the internet. Just fucking ask her out already.

I've been restricted from dating until this year. The rest of my experience comes from crap that spontaneously happens and it never lasts for obvious reasons. That's the problem with me, I don't have experience. Many of my Asian friends parents have this same rules. Can't date till done with college. Maybe that is holding some back?

[Ike]

I've been restricted from dating until this year. The rest of my experience comes from crap that spontaneously happens and it never lasts for obvious reasons. That's the problem with me, I don't have experience. Many of my Asian friends parents have this same rules. Can't date till done with college. Maybe that is holding some back?

Parents' rules tend to change based on which ones you abide by. Also, if you can date without having it affect your grades, your parents will care a lot less.

[Candide]

What makes you so sure he's going to fail "over and over?"

What makes you so sure he's going to fail even once?


No offense to CJF, but guys who ask such a question are the type who would fail many times with women. I know from experience dealing with them in real life and seeing their rants on Internet forums. They're inexperienced and new to dating. Of course they're gonna fail a lot.

There's no shame in failing. Men all taste failures & rejections when dealing with women. It's the learning from such failures that is important.

CJF, the only person restricting you is yourself. That's a stupid rule your parents have for you, but the real restriction placed on you is done by you alone.

My parents never restricted me but even if they tried, they wouldn't succeed anyway. Maybe to some extent when I was at school, but I moved out at 18 and have been independent since.

Don't blame your parents.

[kimtae]

Candide, is pretty much on target there.
Here's another anecdotal case but it may shed some light on just how parents think. This may help prove Ike's point as well.
My brother used to lay about 5 girls a week in high school. No lie, he just had to show up and girls would throw their panties at him. That's not the point though. Here's the point. My father's original rules for him were that he couldn't date until he was accepted into college. This then went to, he could only date Asian girls that my father knew (i.e. Korean girls from church). Still, my brother at the age of 15 was getting more action than Fonzie. So my father amended his rule to no sex. The no sex rule soon caved into just wear a condom and don't bring home the AIDS. I was there for that last talk.
What's your momma gonna do? More importantly, what are you gonna do?