RebelAzn
Jun 10th, 2007, 03:17 PM
I was surfing the net the other day and run into this article by accident. I have no idea what the board is about, but I read it because it is specifically written for Asian American men. I am not even sure if this is written by an Asian or non-Asian. The article does make some good points and it is related to what we have been talking about here over and over.
Link to the post: http://forum.internationalliving.com/viewtopic.php?t=4296
If you are an Asian American ( or another hyphenated Asian) and you have a great number of dating companions of all ethnicities, the advice below is not for you. If you are not an Asian man in America or any other "Anglo-Saxon" country ( including the UK), again, the informaton below does not apply to you.
If, however, you are an Asian man living in an English-speaking country, primarily the US, and are experiencing difficulties dating and socializing because of negative stereotypes about you, please read on:
__________________________________________________ _____
Dating Advice to Asian American Men
It is no secret now that Asian men in America have problems dating. There have been several programs on TV already describing the fact that as an Asian man, you have harder time finding a mate than your Caucasian, African-American or Hispanic counterparts. There have been articles in magazines and newspapers addressing the same problem and describing its causes (and effects). Few such programs or articles, however, offer solutions to such men, and many still find themselves lonely and bitter, although sometimes pitied. However, more often than not, they simply end up lonesome and dateless.
The deal seems to be this: Many Caucasian women in the US do not find Asian American men manly enough to consider them dating material. Many Asian women also prefer Caucasian men, and the ones who prefer Asian men, are apparently not enough to go around.
The US media often portrays Asian men as dorky buffoons, skinny and freaky martial arts experts, mathematics nerds, clumsy immigrants with mangled English of the ‘flied lice’ variety”, noodle shop cooks or laundry managers, and not as being as powerful and confident as White or African American males, or as romantic as Hispanic men. Plus, throughout the history of the US, Asian countries were enemies whose males were to be killed on the battlefield, and whose women were to be taken home to mom as war brides after their men lie dead in the jungle or at the bottom of the sea.
In other cases, Asian countries were often suppliers of poor workers or indigent immigrants of all kinds to provide cheap labors in developed, most often Caucasian countries. Also, in the past, Asian Americans, period, were victims of serious discrimination coming from the government, a practice which has since been abolished but whose residues still haunt Asian men even today as they are not seen as fully American by the US society. None of the above has helped to create an image of a virile and dependable Asian male, a potentially desirable mate for American women to date and marry.
With the great improvements in Civil Rights, and the general feeling of guilt coming from mainstream population groups (whoever they may be) the situation of the Asian minority has improved significantly, for sure. The pejorative word “Oriental” has been stricken down from printed materials and is avoided in daily speech. The proud term “Asian American” has been born. Asian men are in the government and politics, they run successful businesses, they are achievers in the field of science and technology, law and medicine However, as far as American women of all colors seeing an Asian American man as a preferred dating and marriage partner goes, the state of affairs still leaves a lot to be desired. In short, if you are an Asian man in America, citizen or not, native-born or not, fluent in English or not, rich or poor, you will have problems dating ladies there.
Those Asian men, who feel that they are being discriminated against on the US love market, resort to several ways of dealing with the problem:
1) Ignoring it and playing the numbers game. If one goes through enough dating ads, attends enough parties and invites enough women out, there will be a number of women who will want to date, and possibly have a serious relationship with you. The men who go down the path of copious dating and selection will disregard any flak that comes their way in the process, and come out winners in the end. That is a good strategy except that it is not very likely that one could end up with a high quality female partner in the end if one stops his search too early. If one still continues dating, ignores numerous rejections, and sieves through any unreliable partners that appear in the process, one will end up with a prize- a good and honest woman to be one’s companion in life. But boy, it is going to take a really long time, believe me!
It is a rather daunting course of action, and is not suitable for every Asian man, especially not for those who come from a background that emphasizes modesty and non-aggressiveness.
2) Developing a complex and hatred of American men of other races, particularly those of the Caucasian race, and writing articles and posts on the Internet newsgroups and bulletin boards complaining about lack of dates and the prejudice against Asian American men. Interviews with commiserating media and videos on youtube.com also become a vent for the frustrations of such men. The hope is that the US society will change and they will suddenly become accepted and welcomed as romantic companions and more. This approach, while a good therapy for one’s psychological state, is still not very effective in procuring potential dates any time in the near future. In the end, one is either angry and militaristically racist, and supported only by other frustrated Asian men, or one is felt sorry for. In both cases, one still often remains dateless.
3) Bringing a female partner from the Old Country. For some reason, this approach is seen as un-cool by a big number of Asian American men. They see it as a step back, and feel that a woman from the Old Country will become a burden on the already Americanized husband, what with her old-fashioned customs and behavior which will interfere with the further acceptance of the couple and their children into the American society. Only very traditional, mature in age, or religious Asian men seem to opt for that route; not the majority of the Asian male population of the country.
4) Finally, there has recently been a trend among US citizens of Asian extraction to date internationally. One can call this trend Romantic Multi-Nationalization. What happens is that after having discovered the US love market to be of unsatisfactory performance in the area of providing them with dating opportunities, such men have decided to cross oceans and date in other countries. They have finally had the courage to claim a very important truth: It is not their fault that the US society has such stereotypes of them. It is not their fault that Hollywood often portrays them as emasculated persons who are not worthy of being admired by the opposite sex. It is really the fault of the modern (and past) US culture and the media which reflects it. Also, since the Hollywood culture has infused its stereotypes into many other countries making things harder for Asian men all over the English-speaking world, one needs to find a culture in which such stereotypes have not yet spoiled things for Asian men.
Link to the post: http://forum.internationalliving.com/viewtopic.php?t=4296
If you are an Asian American ( or another hyphenated Asian) and you have a great number of dating companions of all ethnicities, the advice below is not for you. If you are not an Asian man in America or any other "Anglo-Saxon" country ( including the UK), again, the informaton below does not apply to you.
If, however, you are an Asian man living in an English-speaking country, primarily the US, and are experiencing difficulties dating and socializing because of negative stereotypes about you, please read on:
__________________________________________________ _____
Dating Advice to Asian American Men
It is no secret now that Asian men in America have problems dating. There have been several programs on TV already describing the fact that as an Asian man, you have harder time finding a mate than your Caucasian, African-American or Hispanic counterparts. There have been articles in magazines and newspapers addressing the same problem and describing its causes (and effects). Few such programs or articles, however, offer solutions to such men, and many still find themselves lonely and bitter, although sometimes pitied. However, more often than not, they simply end up lonesome and dateless.
The deal seems to be this: Many Caucasian women in the US do not find Asian American men manly enough to consider them dating material. Many Asian women also prefer Caucasian men, and the ones who prefer Asian men, are apparently not enough to go around.
The US media often portrays Asian men as dorky buffoons, skinny and freaky martial arts experts, mathematics nerds, clumsy immigrants with mangled English of the ‘flied lice’ variety”, noodle shop cooks or laundry managers, and not as being as powerful and confident as White or African American males, or as romantic as Hispanic men. Plus, throughout the history of the US, Asian countries were enemies whose males were to be killed on the battlefield, and whose women were to be taken home to mom as war brides after their men lie dead in the jungle or at the bottom of the sea.
In other cases, Asian countries were often suppliers of poor workers or indigent immigrants of all kinds to provide cheap labors in developed, most often Caucasian countries. Also, in the past, Asian Americans, period, were victims of serious discrimination coming from the government, a practice which has since been abolished but whose residues still haunt Asian men even today as they are not seen as fully American by the US society. None of the above has helped to create an image of a virile and dependable Asian male, a potentially desirable mate for American women to date and marry.
With the great improvements in Civil Rights, and the general feeling of guilt coming from mainstream population groups (whoever they may be) the situation of the Asian minority has improved significantly, for sure. The pejorative word “Oriental” has been stricken down from printed materials and is avoided in daily speech. The proud term “Asian American” has been born. Asian men are in the government and politics, they run successful businesses, they are achievers in the field of science and technology, law and medicine However, as far as American women of all colors seeing an Asian American man as a preferred dating and marriage partner goes, the state of affairs still leaves a lot to be desired. In short, if you are an Asian man in America, citizen or not, native-born or not, fluent in English or not, rich or poor, you will have problems dating ladies there.
Those Asian men, who feel that they are being discriminated against on the US love market, resort to several ways of dealing with the problem:
1) Ignoring it and playing the numbers game. If one goes through enough dating ads, attends enough parties and invites enough women out, there will be a number of women who will want to date, and possibly have a serious relationship with you. The men who go down the path of copious dating and selection will disregard any flak that comes their way in the process, and come out winners in the end. That is a good strategy except that it is not very likely that one could end up with a high quality female partner in the end if one stops his search too early. If one still continues dating, ignores numerous rejections, and sieves through any unreliable partners that appear in the process, one will end up with a prize- a good and honest woman to be one’s companion in life. But boy, it is going to take a really long time, believe me!
It is a rather daunting course of action, and is not suitable for every Asian man, especially not for those who come from a background that emphasizes modesty and non-aggressiveness.
2) Developing a complex and hatred of American men of other races, particularly those of the Caucasian race, and writing articles and posts on the Internet newsgroups and bulletin boards complaining about lack of dates and the prejudice against Asian American men. Interviews with commiserating media and videos on youtube.com also become a vent for the frustrations of such men. The hope is that the US society will change and they will suddenly become accepted and welcomed as romantic companions and more. This approach, while a good therapy for one’s psychological state, is still not very effective in procuring potential dates any time in the near future. In the end, one is either angry and militaristically racist, and supported only by other frustrated Asian men, or one is felt sorry for. In both cases, one still often remains dateless.
3) Bringing a female partner from the Old Country. For some reason, this approach is seen as un-cool by a big number of Asian American men. They see it as a step back, and feel that a woman from the Old Country will become a burden on the already Americanized husband, what with her old-fashioned customs and behavior which will interfere with the further acceptance of the couple and their children into the American society. Only very traditional, mature in age, or religious Asian men seem to opt for that route; not the majority of the Asian male population of the country.
4) Finally, there has recently been a trend among US citizens of Asian extraction to date internationally. One can call this trend Romantic Multi-Nationalization. What happens is that after having discovered the US love market to be of unsatisfactory performance in the area of providing them with dating opportunities, such men have decided to cross oceans and date in other countries. They have finally had the courage to claim a very important truth: It is not their fault that the US society has such stereotypes of them. It is not their fault that Hollywood often portrays them as emasculated persons who are not worthy of being admired by the opposite sex. It is really the fault of the modern (and past) US culture and the media which reflects it. Also, since the Hollywood culture has infused its stereotypes into many other countries making things harder for Asian men all over the English-speaking world, one needs to find a culture in which such stereotypes have not yet spoiled things for Asian men.