Sex?

[randomblue]

My family is pretty old fashion, and generally, all the women of the older generation in the family were all virgins when they got married (or so they let on...) so in turn, I think my mother is expecting me to be the same. Though there was this one time when I attempted to have a the bird and the bee conversation with her and all she said to me was "Having sex is like doing drugs. Once you have had it, you would want to do it again, so it's better that you should wait."

Unlike the people of the older generation, the children of my generation, except for the little ones, all have had sex, and so at this point, I am the only virgin. Secretly, I have a little pride in staying a virgin that long in these days and age.

I'm not in any rush to have sex, after all I'm only 19. But I am also in college, and there is a person. Most people told me that if I could still hold on to what I have for as long as I could the I should. Still, I can't help but be so curious.

So as of now, I'm torn.

In a sense, I do suppose that I am ready for sex, but on the other hand, I'm not sure if I am ready to let go of my secret pride. And there is also my mother and her subconsciously wishing that I am not doing anything more than just kissing a boy...

I'm not really looking for any advice since I know this is a matter in which only I could solve, but I would still like to hear the opinions of strangers from the internet about this.

Thanks.

[theme]

Be Like Mike.

no wait.

Just Do It.

[Ike]

If your main reason is curiosity, you're in for a big letdown, plus you'll lose your virginity.

[Pat the Great]

actually, i'd say that curiosity could be a better motivation than some; imo, sex is very often a letdown when it's built up to be the culmination of a romantic relationship.

a female friend told me once, "yeah, i started having sex around sixteen, and when i started, i was like, 'wow, this feels great, why didn't i start earlier?' "

[nskripchun]

If your main reason is curiosity, you're in for a big letdown, plus you'll lose your virginity.

yep.

I'm sure I'm going to end in the "minority" on this issue, but I don't think you have to be in such a rush lose your virginity. You've already waited so long; why give it away to some random person just to satisfy your curiosity? Going along the lines of Ike's comment, if you've built up all this hype around sex and how great you're expecting it to be, you're creating an expectation that probably isn't going to be met.

Of course, the decision is ultimately a very personal one and I think most people will say that you should think about it carefully and come to your own conclusions. Don't let people pressure you into not having sex or having sex; you need to decide that for yourself. Educate yourself; understand the risks, but at the same time acknowledge that "Hey, I'm young! Maybe this is sometime I really feel interested in."

[atlasien]

I personally don't think of virginity as an object worth any kind of value... it's just a lifestyle restriction based on personal values, kind of like vegetarianism. Umm... maybe I should stop that analogy before I start it.

[cattygurl]

Couple of things- if you are going to have sex, educate yourself, and protect yourself from STDs as well as unwanted pregnancies by not placing the entire burden of birth control on your partner. Regardless of your gender, placing the burden of birth control on your partner can lead to unexpected surprises that can be very, very stressful. Birth control is an equal responsibility. The girl being on the pill (if you're a guy) or the guy using a condom (if you're a girl) is not excuse not to do your part to protect yourself, because pills fail, condoms fail- I'm from the school of thought that generally, both partners should use birth control if pregnancy is not something to be avoided at the time. A great place to start is planned parenthood's website- ppfa.org. Anyone on this board is welcome to PM me if you have any birth control questions now or in the future, and I can point you to various resources.

I'm going to second atlasien in that I don't buy into fetishizing virginity or sexuality. They are what they are, and each come with benefits and drawbacks. There is no one better option, just options that you hopefully choose based on what is best for YOU based on weighing the pros and cons- and hopefully not through any pressure. One other thing is, understand that your partner is a human being. Be safe, be thoughtful, be responsible and respect your partners regardless of what you do, and you'll have less headaches or unwanted surprises.

[poisenedrice]

Sex?


Yes, please!

[averagejoette]

IMO, there are two brands of sex. The "down and the dirty" versus something more intimate and personal. The down and dirty is purely for physical pleasure, which at one time or another, needs to be satisfied. Afterall, sexual urges are part of being human.

Virginity is not a measure of worth like how it was in the "old days." I think its something admirable for you to have because it shows will power and such, but if you lost it, it wouldn't make you any less of a person. Its ultimately your choice on how much you, personally, think it matters.

[Kuroyama]

IMO its better to know if youre sexually compatible with someone before you commit the rest of your life (and by extension, sex life) to them for the rest of your natural life...

Sex IMO is like pizza. Some is spectacular, but in general its just so good that its hard to get it and be truly disappointed.

But there IS disappointment out there. Some people just have no talent. Some couples are just not sexually compatible. IMO it would be a shame to make some promise to stay by the side of just such a person FOREVER if you had no idea of what you were getting into beforehand.

Its just the way I see it.

[Ike]

Oh, and also, don't let said "person" pressure you into sex.

[Lum]

I think the old-fashioned family values thing is sweet. But if you're even thinking about this now, it's probably time to go shopping.

I've always preferred Beyond Seven condoms, but any major brand will do. Do NOT use the free ones from Planned Parenthood or the clinics. They're crap, and even doubling up on them has been known to fail. As cattygurl said get some kind of birth control for yourself too. You're going to have to be the brains for both you and your partner because guys are idiots. Pick up a personal lubricant as well. Astroglide is the best, but KY is making new stuff that doesn't freeze your very soul. Keep all this stuff with you.

I know this is crazy coming from an old geezer, but these are the times we live in.

[Scowl]

Astroglide is the best, but KY is making new stuff that doesn't freeze your very soul. Keep all this stuff with you.

And you have the nerve to call me "blowjob lips," Lube Master?

[Lum]

And you have the nerve to call me "blowjob lips," Lube Master?

Don't look at me bub, you picked up that name on the street!

[Scowl]

Don't look at me bub, you picked up that name on the street!

You do what ya gotta do to survive. Isn't that right, Doctor Lube?

Jeeze, look at us. You see this, randomblue? Is this the kind of world you want to get involved in? You keep whatcha got, honey, because once you lose it you ain't never gettin' it back.

[blockthebox]

I'm not really looking for any advice since I know this is a matter in which only I could solve, but I would still like to hear the opinions of strangers from the internet about this.

I don't really have any opinions on it except for this: Whenever you decide to do it, just remember that the first time really isn't that great. For the girl anyway. Young people don't really know what they're doing in bed, but it's ok because it'll all be over before you know it.

[justjean]

lol. i was innocently wandering through the forums and look at wat i've found. I think you should wait until your ready, easy as that. I'm 15 and i've never had a boyfriend and in harlem thats like being from another planet.

[Kuroyama]

Also... when carrying condoms... Please carry them, and handle them with the respect youd give any other important tool.

I remember back in the day youd see guys rifling through their wallets to kick up funds for beers and thered be some mummified condom in there whose sealed package had no doubt been compromised...

Think of a condom like a parachute. If you want that thing to function as its supposed to, youd better take care of it and use it properly!

Im certainly not anti-abortion, but I dont think its too responsible to go sprinkling your sperm over hill and dale and just announce "abortion" if/when the seed takes somewhere. If you do have sex, please take appropriate care. Its your body.

[ellencho]

I say start with anal. That way you can still have sex and retain your vaginal virginity.

[Kuroyama]

I always knew Ellen was a wonderful person...!

[Scowl]

I say start with anal. That way you can still have sex and retain your vaginal virginity.

I wanted to say that, but it sounds so much less crass coming from you.

[ellencho]

I wanted to say that, but it sounds so much less crass coming from you.

Great crass minds think alike.

[jaehwan]

Young people don't really know what they're doing in bed, but it's ok because it'll all be over before you know it.

Back in my day, yes. If you're the same age as I am, yes for you too. But these days the young 'uns have free internet...um...tutorials.

[nskripchun]

I say start with anal. That way you can still have sex and retain your vaginal virginity.

I wanted to say that, but it sounds so much less crass coming from you.

hahaha. y'all crack me up.

run away randomblue, run!

[blockthebox]

Oh, gross! I can't believe ellen went there.

SAVE YOUR ASS FOR MARRIAGE. That's truly sacred.

[nskripchun]

Oh, gross! I can't believe ellen went there.

SAVE YOUR ASS FOR MARRIAGE. That's truly sacred.

Because stick'n it in the poop-chute ain't love without a ring, baby.

[kwak76]

if your going to lose it ..lose it to someone you actually care about and vice verser..

sex is so much better with some one you care about ..I know it sounds cliche but it is true...

I still regret the first time I did it...trust me if I could go back i would talk myself out of it the first time I did..it

people make sex as this big thing but for those of us that did it...
well it's not all that ..to me the chase of a girl than the actually sex is more fun...

[kwak76]

.but if your going to do anal ..practice safe sex...

[Heyyu]

Anal is actually harder than regular vaginal sex.

I also agree that your first time won't be that great and if you're really a virgin they're going to have to "crack open that hole" first... literally speaking. You might even get bleeding.

[Ike]

Anal is something that ideally should be worked up to with objects of increasing size. Anal takes commitment and hard work.

[randomblue]

People often tell me that I don't know what I am missing out on or they would tell me that in the same situation they don't think they could say no, but when it comes to sex, I also realize the risks that go along with it. STD, unplanned pregnancy, HIV etc... and that sometime could really be the biggest turn off ever.

I know about safe sex and what not. In this days and age, everything seems to be airborne, nothing is safe enough for a person to just bare it all.

It sucks to say that I have a fear of being too emotionally attached, and for some reason I think that by me agreeing to have sex, I am digging myself into a big hole. So here is the question, do you find yourself being more emotionally intimate to your partner once you have been physically intimated?

Sometime it bothers me that on my "Sex Pro and Con" list, there are often more cons than pros. The idea of me being a 30 something virgin does make me depress.

[Scowl]

Now it would just feel awkward to continue with the juvenile sex jokes.

So here is the question, do you find yourself being more emotionally intimate to your partner once you have been physically intimated?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It really depends on the person and the situation, but that pretty much goes without saying.

Sometime it bothers me that on my "Sex Pro and Con" list, there are often more cons than pros. The idea of me being a 30 something virgin does make me depress.

How come? Is it because you would feel like you missed out, or that you would be getting a late start? Is it how other people would perceive you? When it comes down to it, there really is nothing wrong with being a virgin. You might get some shit from people, but it should make no difference to those who love and value you.

Oh god, now I sound like one of those self-righteous "retain your virtue" assholes.

[cattygurl]

At some point, you're going to have to find out for yourself. You shouldn't let fear paralyse you from moving on in your life, but generally speaking, if you think things through and try to conduct yourself in a considerate manner, you have less regrets or guilt later.

[Dialectic]

It's a very simple "test" you have to go over in your mind. If you're not comfortable with the idea, and it sounds like you're not, then don't do it. It will eventually be done, I wouldn't worry about that, as women generally have far more opportunities for sex than men. Again, if you're not totally cool with the idea, wait a little longer.

[Dirac]

I wouldn't think of it as 'losing' your virginity - you're not losing anything, you'll be gaining a new experience. Now the question is are you ready for that experience, and do you want to have it with the person you mentioned. There's no shame in either decision.

[Kuroyama]

RB... when I was single I used to be really upfront with women before sex. Id just say that having sex wasnt a committment, but that I wasnt closed to the idea of having one. We would just have to see what happened. If the girl wasnt cool with that, then nobody got naked, and no feelings were hurt badly. actually I only had ONE girl demand my love before sex. I wasnt willing to make a promise I didnt know I could keep, so we never slept together.

IMO just being honest with yourself and your partner goes a VERY long way.

[Scowl]

I wouldn't think of it as 'losing' your virginity - you're not losing anything, you'll be gaining a new experience.

You corruptor of youth! Scourge of the innocent!

[blockthebox]

Wait ... have we stopped talking about anal?

[Dirac]

RB ignore the Mongolian guy.....

[Scowl]

RB ignore the Mongolian guy.....

The more you ignore me, the closer I get.

[lopan]

The more you ignore me, the closer I get.

...You're wasting your time.

[ellencho]

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a120/foxandpoo/everythingelse/the-more-i-ignore-him.gif
I totally stole this from toothpastefordinner.com (http://toothpastefordinner.com) but I didn't want to directly link and steal their bandwidth.

[Scowl]

Nerds!

Wait ... have we stopped talking about anal?

Let's get back to the anal.

[nskripchun]

Nerds!



Let's get back to the anal.

necessary emphasis added. haha!

[Kuroyama]

Is it just me? Or do women here just seem to be more comfortable with the idea of anal than a man has a right to expect in the real world? Im not asking any ladies here to speak for the rest of their sex, but are you honestly that open to the notion? Or is this just thread porn?

When I was single...
Ive had sex in public with an audience.
Ive had menage au trois(es - plural).

I have never, ever been any closer to getting anal than I have to banging both Nona Gaye, and Jessica Biel in a threesome, on stage. Not for lack of trying mind you...

Now that Im married, I have pretty much been assured that Ill see the inside of my own coffin before I ever cum to know what anal feels like.

[Lum]

I know a guy says his wife will ONLY take it up the butt. Everything else is off-limits.

[Kuroyama]

So they are going to... adopt?

[Synthetic]

just do whatever you would expect your kids to do...if you want them to wait, then wait...if you don't care whether they do or not, then don't...

or you could always download some of your favorite Nina Hartley videos....(i'm pretty sure she makes guides on how to do everything....and then she shows you!)

[randomblue]

who is Nina Hartley? Synthetic, are you hinting at what i think you are hinting at...?

[Kuroyama]

Nina Hartley only has one of the greatest asses in porn. Has had it since the 80s... Think Katja Kassin, but not as stocky. (Though Katjas body still ranks about 9.8!)

She was in that movie Boogie Nights. She was married to William Macys character and every time theyd go to a party shed bang one or a few of the guests. Toward the end of the film I think hes had enough and... no spoilers...

[minbo]

Anal is all about lube and the ability to relax the sphincter.

I make this based upon having in my day shat out a lot of dumps larger than any man's dick in girth and length. You know that you all have done that as well, don't lie to me. Everyone has at some point in their lives taken a dump thought "Jesus Christ superstar, I feel so light and empty, that was a huge motherfucking honker of a dump ", looked into the bowl and thought "Mary mother of god in heaven, lord be thy name, how the fuck did that thing ever come out of my ass! That's bigger than my goddamn thigh.", though perhaps in different words and not perhaps with that exact comparison.