I'm the 5'3 short Asian guy that people stereotype...

[Short Asian Guy]

Alright, yes, I'm the 5'3 short Asian guy that people stereotype. And yes, it gets annoying.

What annoys me is how other Asian dudes feel that I'm "hurting" the Asian guy image. Because they know the stereotype and I know the stereotype. But what the hell can I do about that? It was genes as my mother was 4'9 and my father about 5'6. So yeah, I probably wasn't going to be the next Yao Ming.

So I'm short and I've always been short. But whatever. Just because I fill a stereotype of the short Asian guy doesn't mean that I have to conform to it.

Now growing up, I'll admit I did feel some insecurities. Especially during my junior high and high school days. I remember being flat-out rejected by girls cause they said I was too short. Did it affect me? Yeah, it hurt me. The worst was this Asian girl I had a crush on in the 9th grade who was about the same height as me. But when I stood by her locker to ask her out, she was like, "First grow 1 foot." And then I said, "I just did... in my pants."

OK, no I didn't say that (I wish I did though looking back). So yeah, it bummed me out. But then I got over it. And went about my life. I have a girlfriend now and still play sports with my friends. Favorite being basketball, which is ironic since it's a tall man's game, but that was because I grew up in Chicago during the Michael Jordan era. If you doubt my skillz, we should play sometime, hehe. Just joking.

So yes, I'm the 5'3 short Asian guy. But I'm not ashamed of it. Life gives you the cards that you're dealt. I'm not saying, "Oh yeah, it's nice to be short." People judge you and stereotype. But hey, whatever. As long as my friends and family support me and my girlfriend likes me for me, then that's all that matters. Can't do anything about the stereotype but just live my life and maybe others will say, "Hey, that guy might be a short Asian, but he's chill."

[Dialectic]

Hi, welcome to the 44s! Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with us; I'm glad to hear you've made peace with your circumstances. If you're happy with the friends, family, and girlfriend you have, you're far ahead of the curve of any race. I'm sure you could destroy me at basketball, and I look forward to more of your posts!

[Ninja]

Now growing up, I'll admit I did feel some insecurities. Especially during my junior high and high school days. I remember being flat-out rejected by girls cause they said I was too short. Did it affect me? Yeah, it hurt me. The worst was this Asian girl I had a crush on in the 9th grade who was about the same height as me. But when I stood by her locker to ask her out, she was like, "First grow 1 foot." And then I said, "I just did... in my pants."

Yeah, what the heck is up with Asian girls and their need for super tall boyfriends? A 5'2 girl needing some 6'2 guy. It just looks kind of pedo to me (although I realize not all Asian girls are like this).

I've heard that girls want tall guys "so they can protect them" BS. Well Bruce Lee was 5'7 and no one was going to mess with his ass (not even giant 7'2 NBA player like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar could touch him, lol). And seriously, if girls are that concerned about their safety, they need to get some mace & pepper-spray or take self-defense classes.

I mean, I used to know this girl that was getting abused... by her boyfriend! Her boyfriend was like a foot taller and used to be on the wrestling team and this one time I saw him kick her in the stomach and me and this other guy had to restrain him from trying to beat the crap out of her. After she broke it off, the guy started calling her and she was a little afraid so she took martial arts classes.

[kimtae]

Maybe you're the short Asian guy that breaks the stereotype.

[LaiSteve66]

It's stories like this that make me glad I'm six feet.

[maogirl]

hey dude, i really liked your post and i think your attitude is great. i gotta say that other people who whine about you being a stereotype are revealing their own insecurities.

i'm not going to bullshit about how height doesn't matter -- it does, but it's the attitude that you bring to it that can make it a non-issue, and i think you're pretty cool.

ps.
to ninja,
generally speaking, most chicks like tall guys, not just asian chicks. *eye roll*

[Televangelist]

It's not an 'asian thing'; girls of all races overwhelmingly prefer taller guys.

Which strikes me as silly, but maybe I'm just biased because I'm 5'4". ;)

It sucks, but hey, you do what you can. My girlfriend is 5'2", and that works nicely.

[JadeDragon]

That's a great post, SAG. (May I call you SAG?) It's awesome that you've managed to channel your energies into improving yourself as an individual, rather than listening to those who would try to knock you down. And as Maogirl said, their comments are really more of a reflection of their own insecurities and biases than anything else.

Good luck with everything you do!

[aelward]

I'm going to third MG and JD by saying that the guys who criticize you for being short and thereby promoting Asian stereotypes are incredibly insecure. What do they expect you to do? Your intro shows lots of character, that you have moved passed limitations that you can't control.

[silkie]

Yeah, I am going to "4th" mg, jd, and aelward for having a healthy perspective and not let other people's insecurities drag you down.

I am particularly inspired by the fact that you are able to acknowledge what you have: namely, a girlfriend that loves you for you. We have a good share of people who would bitch and moan about being at a disadvantage and what not-- some are legitimate gripes while others are not-- but then failed to appreciate a good gal when they come across one. I think some people tends to be addicted to the bittersweet feeling of self pity rather than working with what they have.

About the short people looking for tall partners, I think some short people who looks for really tall mates are trying to improve the odds at the generic lottery of their offspring. Dunno, just a hypothesis...

[maogirl]

I am particularly inspired by the fact that you are able to acknowledge what you have: namely, a girlfriend that loves you for you. We have a good share of people who would bitch and moan about being at a disadvantage and what not-- some are legitimate gripes while others are not-- but then failed to appreciate a good gal when they come across one. I think some people tends to be addicted to the bittersweet feeling of self pity rather than working with what they have.


*sniff*

that's so true...

five stars

[kimtae]

I knocked it down one star cuz nobody acknowledged my reply, I feel so hurt.

[Dirac]

I heard with a lot of short women who want tall boyfriends it's because they like that feeling of being protected. I'm short but for me it's the opposite - I want someone a similar height so I don't feel like their kid! Anyway, what people say they want and who they end up with is often completely different.

[little mixed girl]

Maybe you're the short Asian guy that breaks the stereotype.
i second that.
great story & great outlook.

[kimtae]

I feel so much better.

[atlasien]

Welcome Short Asian Guy!

[taijian]

Alright, yes, I'm the 5'3 short Asian guy that people stereotype. And yes, it gets annoying.

What annoys me is how other Asian dudes feel that I'm "hurting" the Asian guy image. Because they know the stereotype and I know the stereotype. But what the hell can I do about that? It was genes as my mother was 4'9 and my father about 5'6. So yeah, I probably wasn't going to be the next Yao Ming.



Those Asian guys who blame you for their own insecurities aren't exactly doing much for the so-called Asian guy image either, in my opinion. Kind of the opposite, actually.

I believe that nobody's perfect but you only have one life to live. So take what you got and make the most of it. You got a good attitude about it.

Cheers.

[I Eat Baby Seals]

Alright, yes, I'm the 5'3 short Asian guy that people stereotype. And yes, it gets annoying.

What annoys me is how other Asian dudes feel that I'm "hurting" the Asian guy image. Because they know the stereotype and I know the stereotype. But what the hell can I do about that? It was genes as my mother was 4'9 and my father about 5'6. So yeah, I probably wasn't going to be the next Yao Ming.

So I'm short and I've always been short. But whatever. Just because I fill a stereotype of the short Asian guy doesn't mean that I have to conform to it.

Now growing up, I'll admit I did feel some insecurities. Especially during my junior high and high school days. I remember being flat-out rejected by girls cause they said I was too short. Did it affect me? Yeah, it hurt me. The worst was this Asian girl I had a crush on in the 9th grade who was about the same height as me. But when I stood by her locker to ask her out, she was like, "First grow 1 foot." And then I said, "I just did... in my pants."

OK, no I didn't say that (I wish I did though looking back). So yeah, it bummed me out. But then I got over it. And went about my life. I have a girlfriend now and still play sports with my friends. Favorite being basketball, which is ironic since it's a tall man's game, but that was because I grew up in Chicago during the Michael Jordan era. If you doubt my skillz, we should play sometime, hehe. Just joking.

So yes, I'm the 5'3 short Asian guy. But I'm not ashamed of it. Life gives you the cards that you're dealt. I'm not saying, "Oh yeah, it's nice to be short." People judge you and stereotype. But hey, whatever. As long as my friends and family support me and my girlfriend likes me for me, then that's all that matters. Can't do anything about the stereotype but just live my life and maybe others will say, "Hey, that guy might be a short Asian, but he's chill."

It's great that you have a positive attitude. The thing that really gives Asians a bad image are bro's who've internalized all the racism and as a result, maintain a defeatist/submissive attitude towards other races.

[nskripchun]

Great post, Short Asian Guy. I think a lot of fellow Asian brothers can relate, even if they're only a few inches taller (like my completely un-tall 5'6).

I think you may have set a record for positive feedback given to a new poster... haha.

[Jin Tha MC]

I'm 5 ft 5/6 myself and have been self conscious about it all my life, made me a coward(I still am to be quite honest), and its really tough since I, at 21, fear rejection like no-one's business. It's probably had a hand in ruining my social life, especially with women. But I'm also one of those people who try to compensate by working out hard.

[Dialectic]

Whassup Jin,

You aren't the only one who's feared rejection and let it hold you back as a result (and hit the gym hard because of it, too). ZG, one of the other founders of this site was a lot like that, as was I, to a bit of a lesser extent.

Keep in mind that it's a good thing that you're conscious of the root and patterns of your problem; awareness is a big step. All I can say is it takes time, and if you patiently work at it and be a good person generally, you will get over it. Play to your strengths in life, be aware of your weaknesses (and work on improving the critical ones), and when you approach people and situations, re-orient yourself, so that you're not asking, "how do I get these people to like me?" or "how do I get this to go my way," but rather, "what can I offer that can make things better?"

Play to your strengths, address your weaknesses, be a good person, and you'll be all right.

[angi]

I'm like hobbit sized and everytime I kinda like a short dude they have no interest. Only the tall scrawny ones do. What gives? Why don't shorties have love for their short princesses?

OP, don't let some retarded asshats dictate that you're a disgrace because you are short. They are just putting their insecurities on you. Short guys have a lot going on and make up for lack of height for personality and charm. So the other tards are just jealous.

[Jin Tha MC]

Over in these parts, Asian women don't give me the time of day. I would love a short girl of my own.

[kwak76]

hey jin,

where do you live? your 21 so your still young and usually at that ages most girls are still superficial . As you get older and work on your inner self girls will respond to that more.

Just stay confident and don't make height an issue. As I gotten older I realize that height isn' t that important. Work on who you are . If you want to look better for the ladies it's not too much on how you look but how you make them feel.



As you get older you know what I mean. If you need more advice just ask and you shall recieve.

[Jin Tha MC]

hey jin,

where do you live? your 21 so your still young and usually at that ages most girls are still superficial . As you get older and work on your inner self girls will respond to that more.

Just stay confident and don't make height an issue. As I gotten older I realize that height isn' t that important. Work on who you are . If you want to look better for the ladies it's not too much on how you look but how you make them feel.



As you get older you know what I mean. If you need more advice just ask and you shall recieve.

Eh, myself? I live in Madison, WI as a college student here in UW...I've been pretty much the most inept person with women as you will find. I grew up pretty shy and introverted and I still am to an extent, I'm trying to break out of it but past experience (or lack there of) has caused me to seem awkward with people but in particular the ladies. Though it's been getting a LITTLE better, I'm still flat out terrible. And I feel I make them feel terrible as well, so I have a tendency to try to avoid them. I also have a kind of inadquete feeling around white girls in particular, usually because they are either my height or taller, it's hard to be confident...

Yeah, I got a lot of issues not just involving height, but exacerbated by it.

[Ike]

I don't mean to rub it in... but it's because you live in WISCONSIN.
And ditch that inadequacy around white girls. Feeling inferior to a girl does not make for a good relationship.

[Scaramanga]

And ditch that inadequacy around white girls. Feeling inferior to a girl does not make for a good relationship.

Unless you want to play the 'gimp' in a real-life sado-masochistic relationship. :)

[Jin Tha MC]

I don't mean to rub it in... but it's because you live in WISCONSIN.
And ditch that inadequacy around white girls. Feeling inferior to a girl does not make for a good relationship.

Easier said than done...I've always been a pretty insecure guy about my appearance generally and my height, my confidence has never been good.

I agree it isn't healthy, but it's my nature and that is what really sucks about it.

[Ike]

Jin, I hate to leave this thread on a sour note, but it's not really my place to give you advice... oh, what the heck!

I know it's not easy to build confidence (try being a fat girl!), but I've found that it works to just take my mind off my appearance (and likewise my singleness). I try to focus on good personality traits that I do have, because when it comes down to it, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I can't expect to change everyone else's standards.

[theme]

Jin it's not my place to give advice either but I think you would benefit from picking up a couple of books about interpersonal communication, social skills, etc. I use to be inept, still am really, but I've always felt like everyone was playing a game and I just didn't know the rules so I stayed on the side lines. Now that I realize there are these little 'rituals' strangers go through when they meet one another I feel much more confident about involving myself in social acitivities.

If you're not really busy, I highly recommended that you read up on it. People who feel the are 'inebt' sometimes don't know about these things, but once they know what the outcomes of interactions and learn that they can 'control' the interactions they become much more comfortable and happy.

[silkie]

Easier said than done...I've always been a pretty insecure guy about my appearance generally and my height, my confidence has never been good.

I agree it isn't healthy, but it's my nature and that is what really sucks about it.


With that attitude you will absolutely go nowhere.
I know that "getting confidence" is easier said than done. But think of it this way: if you don't do anything, you are miserable. If you try, you might fail and be as miserable as now, but there is a chance you might succeed.

Or, think of this another way: you seem to be at rock bottom, so what have you got to lose? Afraid to make a fool of yourself? You're already sounding foolish, so why not have fun while you are at it? Sometimes in life we have to embrace the awkwardness and imperfection in ourselves, and all my funnest friends to be around are the ones that are not self conscious.

[kwak76]

here is my advice Jin.

Move. Don't stay in WI. I really think most of your problem is where your at.

As an Asian guy you will have it harder . In order to make up for it you have to be above -average if you want to get the girls.

However, you have self-esteem problem so you have a long way to go.

Go somewhere else and start over again . Believe it or not I really think your self-esteem maybe related to where you are living.

[Jin Tha MC]

here is my advice Jin.

Move. Don't stay in WI. I really think most of your problem is where your at.

As an Asian guy you will have it harder . In order to make up for it you have to be above -average if you want to get the girls.

However, you have self-esteem problem so you have a long way to go.

Go somewhere else and start over again . Believe it or not I really think your self-esteem maybe related to where you are living.

Everyone, I appreciate the advice, keep it coming and uncensored.

Above average? In height?

[kwak76]

Jin,
No not in height..
but in everything.

Asian men in America has a negative sexual image. You name it we have it. Either we are too short (height wise) too weak, have small dicks , not manly enough or we are too sexist , too quiet and too nerdy.

Anyway, these are just stereotypes of the Asian American man. You rarely see a romantic dashing Asian American male in Hollywood image .

As an Asian American man you have to work allot harder than a white guy to get ahead and this is very true in the dating world. Just because your Asian does not give you an advantage even for Asian women. In some cases being Asian is disadvantage because some Asian women would be more picky when it comes to Asian men vs. a white guy.

Since you live in WI which is like 99.99% white your going to have 3 strikes agianst you.
1. Your a minority in a very white state.
2.Your lack self-esteem
3. Your not tall but I think it is more likey you don't fit the image of what most girls go for.

I think in your case you want to blame height for your problems.

here is the test I want you to do. Next time go to the mall or go to a hang out with lots of people. Try to be aware of guys that are close to your height.
See if they have girl friends or if they are married. Be very aware.

Your probably notice (unless if all the guys in WI are over 6 feet tall) that guys close to your height have girls and some don't. So when it comes to guys your height it is case by case.

Granted women do prefer taller men but having a bigger character will get you farther.

However, race still plays a factor. Here in NYC if I go to a mall. I will see guys close to 5'6 -5'8 with girls but you still will have to look real hard to see an Asian guy with a white girl where as Asian girls with white guys is bit more common.

As an Asian guy you just have to be better all over.

I think if you re-located to NYC or LA where there is more of a mix crowd you may blend in more.

Just work on your self-esteem and forget about height.

[Jin Tha MC]

man...I got serious problems...girl problems are just one in a huge hoard of problems in my life caused by my lack of confidence and quick wit.

[Ninja]

man...I got serious problems...girl problems are just one in a huge hoard of problems in my life caused by my lack of confidence and quick wit.

I have to agree with everyone else and say that Wisconsin isn't exactly a hotbed of girls that want to date Asian men in general. Isn't that the cheese state or something?

Anyways, if you move to the West Coast (mainly California, Seattle, and Portland), you'll increase your dating pool since there's so many Asians, especially Cali. But with that said, there's a lot of stuck-up primadonna Asians in those places so you want to avoid them as well.

But if you're not into da Asian girls... get some confidence and I'm sure you can date a nice white farmgirl from Wisconsin. Remember, HUMOUR HUMOUR HUMOUR. That's one of the keys to getting a girl if you're not the most handsome buck around...

[silkie]

I'm 5 ft 5/6 myself and have been self conscious about it all my life, made me a coward(I still am to be quite honest)

Over in these parts, Asian women don't give me the time of day.

I've been pretty much the most inept person with women as you will find... Though it's been getting a LITTLE better, I'm still flat out terrible...it's hard to be confident...

Yeah, I got a lot of issues not just involving height, but exacerbated by it.

Easier said than done...I've always been a pretty insecure guy about my appearance generally and my height, my confidence has never been good.

I agree it isn't healthy, but it's my nature and that is what really sucks about it.

man...I got serious problems...girl problems are just one in a huge hoard of problems in my life caused by my lack of confidence and quick wit.

repeat.

repeat.

repeat.

Whatever you are doing, please stop.

[Jin Tha MC]

I have to agree with everyone else and say that Wisconsin isn't exactly a hotbed of girls that want to date Asian men in general. Isn't that the cheese state or something?

Anyways, if you move to the West Coast (mainly California, Seattle, and Portland), you'll increase your dating pool since there's so many Asians, especially Cali. But with that said, there's a lot of stuck-up primadonna Asians in those places so you want to avoid them as well.

But if you're not into da Asian girls... get some confidence and I'm sure you can date a nice white farmgirl from Wisconsin. Remember, HUMOUR HUMOUR HUMOUR. That's one of the keys to getting a girl if you're not the most handsome buck around...


You see, I'm pretty slow on the whitty, funny comments...and when I try to sound witty, I come off looking like an idiot while often provoking awkward 'polite' forced chuckles from others around me.

Man...not gonna lie, I'm not totally into Asian girls...

It's weird for me, I don't fit in with Asians, like I don't speak my native language, yet I don't fit in with white people either...

As a result, I've never really had any good friends in my lifetime, much less female friends, intimate or otherwise.

[Jin Tha MC]

repeat.

repeat.

repeat.

Whatever you are doing, please stop.


I'm not doing anything...maybe that's the problem, I don't really have buddies that will say "you gotta go out wit us" or anything either.

[silkie]

I'm not doing anything...maybe that's the problem, I don't really have buddies that will say "you gotta go out wit us" or anything either.


No, I am saying whatever you are doing HERE on this thread.
There are 2 possibilities: 1) you are trolling and 2) you are telling the truth but you are too deep in self pity to do anything.

I tend to give people a benefit of a doubt, so I assume the latter for now. But really, where are you taking us? Or better yet, where are you taking yourself?

Are you here for advice? Are you looking for a way to get out of your rut? Or are you here to fish for sympathy? Because despite some fellow members giving you their input, you just repeat same thing which pretty much amounts to: "I suck. But it is hard to be me." How about asking some constructive questions, like how do you approach people? How do you keep people interested in what you have to say?

If you think I am being hard on you, then think of it ths way: are we really doing you a favor by constantly feeding you sympathy? Do you want to be a sick puppy that everyone feels sorry for but no one wants to keep? Or would you rather say the biggest fuck you to all your doubters by being happy?

You choose. But life is short, and you only have one, so do it quick.

[Jin Tha MC]

Well, I was looking for advice. Why would I waste my time trolling? Where did I ask for sympathy? It wastes everyone's time.

I do not like to be persecuted when I'm seeking help, maybe you should lend your sympathy to someone else, I don't want it, or need it.

I am telling people my problems, if you can't give advice based on me telling anecdotes about myself than to instead ask direct questions...maybe you shouldn't be trying to help me (not that I get that impression anyways).

[JadeDragon]

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt for now, but I have to agree with Silkie. It's not productive to wallow in self-pity when you could doing so much by yourself to improve your situation. From what I have read, you seem like an average guy who just hasn't got the self-confidence to go out there and mingle with the ladies. So, instead of focusing on something that seems to give you a lot of unhappiness, why not focus inward for a change and concentrate on transforming yourself into someone that you can be pleased with? Find an activity or hobby that you love, especially one that emphasises being with other people, and just work at it. Go out and improve your knowledge, your skills, whatever else you have, and take things as they come. You're not living your life for anyone else but yourself, so why kvetch on useless things that shouldn't be taking over your life?

And honestly, I think you already know all of what I'm telling you anyway. You just need that kick in the ass to get you going.

[Dialectic]

Didn't I say all that with the strengths/ weaknesses thing? Unlike Jaded, I suppose I'm just not a natural ass-kicker .... :P

Oh and guys, let the man speak and say his piece. Change is not instantaneous. In fact, to be quite frank, significant change/growth is measured in years if not decades. Someone *might* achieve a breakthrough in five years if s/he is actively working on it; longer if not. This is why therapy takes so long, and why Kwak is still Kwak :P

[JadeDragon]

Unlike Jaded, I suppose I'm just not a natural ass-kicker .... :P

Aw, you know you love it when I get to kick yours. =P

[minbo]

I'll give you the benefit of doubt also for now, though I find it deplorable that you are using Jin tha MC as your board name.

Anyway, you say that you have problems with girls, you never really had friends. You are introverted and shy. If that is true, the problem you have with girls is not a problem with girls, it is a problem socializing with people in general. You don't have self-esteem, so you are constantly looking for external validation. Thus, in all your interactions with people, you try to be "better" then you naturally are. You try to be funnier, more charming and charismatic, smoother. Socializing with anyone instead of being enjoyable is hard and unpleasant work. the more you want somebody to like you, the more work it is to be around them. On top of that, the more you try to come across as "better" then yourself, the more you fall on your face and come across "worse" than you are. Nobody likes a faker..

The most logical thing would be to switch from external validation to internal validation, but of course it is not that easy. If it was, then you would not be in such a pickle... When you socialize with other people, stop worrying so much about what they think of you. Sure, you should be on good behaviour, but you don't need to project a false image of yourself. As far as women are concerned, you need to stop thinking about them and treating them as an alien class of being that you need to charm into giving you pussy because when the realize that that is all you are trying to get from them, the less likely they will be inclined to give it to you. Unless you are socializing with hookers by giving them the Benjamins.

Remember
1) It is hard for anyone to make real friends. You are not abnormal in this respect.
2) You may not be hot shit, but law of averages, most of the people you meet are not hot shit either.
3) Most people you meet do not and will never care about having met you. Don't torture yourself about it. It happens to everyone.

[atlasien]

1) work on your inner self first (as other posters have already explained)
2) if you can't get started on your own, GET A THERAPIST. You need a consistent voice backing you up. Relying on friends, either online or IRL, is not going to get you that (you have to give as well as get in friendships, and right now you are really in full-on help-getting mode).
3) move the hell out of cheeseland

Sounds like depression could definitely be one of your problems. Don't discount the effects of living in the wrong kind of environment.

I loved New York City and wanted to live there for a while... I don't have a depressive personality, but when I lived there, I was depressed for 4 winter months out of the year. After a few years I gave it up and moved south again.

[silkie]

Where did I ask for sympathy?

You did not specifically ask for sympathy but your body language says it all.

First, if you are really trying to CONSTRUCTIVELY seek advice the signs are not there. From the very first response to you, everyone says you have to RAISE YOUR CONFIDENCE. But you constantly go back to saying "I am inept." That is a sign that you have not been LISTENING (which, btw, is an important social skill). Instead, you remain stagnant, not really building on the conversation, but going back to the same point and absorbing all the attention. That is seeking validation and sympathy.

Do I sound cruel to you? Life is cruel, and there is no guanrantee that someone else will love you. The only person you can count on doing that is yourself. BUT YOU ARE ALREADY BEATING YOURSELF UP before anyone else lay their hands on you.

If you choose to dismiss what I am trying to say because it sounds ugly, at least listen to the other guys here who have more patience. They all have great things to say.

ps- at the time of writing this, I see you only post on this thread since you've joined. Why don't you go around to different topic and at least get your mind off of this?

[Millerboy]

If you want, I can help you improve your success with women and dating. Just post your response in this thread, and I will give you advice in-person or online or on the phone.

[minbo]

This is now totally reminding me of the Alien loves Predator strip with Abe and the BO talking about getting girls. Preston's quote is so fitting.

[Jin Tha MC]

Thank you all for the advice, I appreciate it truly...and yea I do have a problem socializing with people and as I have said, women problems are just one in a bunch for me as far as my social life goes.

Hopefully I can change my fortunes soon, I just wish I hadn't been this way for the 21 years of my life so far...usually people are more established in various social relationships by my age, it seems.

[Jin Tha MC]

Another thing though that really is a problem for me is just finding things to talk about...often when I try to keep a convo going, I find I have nothing to say. I can't explain it but it leads to awkward silences, that type of experience has really reinforced my introvertedness too...I also have a terrible time opening up to people, it just doesn't happen, I want to...like I see people acting like jackasses (in a good way) and having fun and everything, joking around and such...I can never see myself being that way, and I also feel that has prevented me from ever being 'one of the guys'. I have always marched to the beat of my own drum, for better or worse.

[howstrange]

Another thing though that really is a problem for me is just finding things to talk about...often when I try to keep a convo going, I find I have nothing to say. I can't explain it but it leads to awkward silences, that type of experience has really reinforced my introvertedness too...I also have a terrible time opening up to people, it just doesn't happen, I want to...like I see people acting like jackasses (in a good way) and having fun and everything, joking around and such...I can never see myself being that way, and I also feel that has prevented me from ever being 'one of the guys'. I have always marched to the beat of my own drum, for better or worse.
I can completely relate to that. I'm an overly right brained person so verbal communication is very difficult for me. If I'm in the middle of a painting with right brain in full control, and somebody tries to talk to me , all that comes out of my mouth is incoherent gibberish. So yeah, being able to socialize has always been hindered by my inability to carry small talk.. which tends to require a quick connection in the left brain between random thought an oratory movement. That's why I'm usually better socializing in groups of 3 or less where conversations tend to be more slower and intimate. If I'm in a large group of peopel, I usually cannot keep up with the pace and end up being the "quiet one".

What I found that works for me is to involve myself with people who are similar to me. Similarities and shared interests usually allow for easier smoother conversations and great topics of interest. This may mean being very specific about developing your social circle, don't force youreslf into a group of people that you wont gel with no matter how hard you try. But you still do have to proactively develop a circle. Join clubs, frats, or whatever that will expose you to a variety of people. Eventually you'll begin to meet people who you can easily shit around with. When you find those people it's an open opportunity to start and nourish new relationships. Before you know it you will have a great social set.

[Jin Tha MC]

Another thing I just realized is when I meet people, they never take or seem to take an interest in me. By that I mean they never ask me questions about myself and I always find myself asking them question after question. It makes me feel as though they don't want anything to do with me (an incident just happened earlier in the dorm that made me more aware of this) and I never become more than casual acquaintances with these people. Argh, sometimes I don't know if it's me or them. I actually went through some therapy last semester when I had an emotional breakdown and my grades tanked because of my emotional state as a result of my social situation. Why don't they ever care to ask me about myself? Never, and these are the people (mainly white females) who live on the same floor with me in the same dorm.

It's dehumanizing...

[Jin Tha MC]

Another thing I noticed is how I let people 'domineer' the topic on what's cool or what's not. Namely with the few 'friends' I have, they constantly dump on things I like not in a jokingly way, but seemingly spiteful and it pisses me off. For example, I am a huge NBA fan (sounds trivial but the implications are larger than the topic itself) and he would always be a hypocritical jackass about how he hates certain aspects of that league when at the same time he worships the NFL and two of the sh!ttiest bands I've ever heard of (Dave Matthews and U2) and I never state my opinion. I am sick of it, I am sick of being passive and not speaking my mind, how can I change my timidness? God, it angers me so much, it isn't my nature to be a prick, but it feels as though a lot of situations would be better for me (at least emotionally) if I can act as such...

Damn, sorry for turning this thread into a venting arena...I just got so much steam to let out.

[howstrange]

Theme suggested some book on the end of page 3, that would be a good start. I'm also sure there are seminars one can take on socializing as well. I would highly recommend those.

[tkguy]

1) Confidence
2) Self love
3) Happiness

These are all byproducts of having a healthy ethnic identity. I think the first thing you should do is to work on developing a strong ethnic identity.

You will know when you got it when the good people start looking bad. And the bad people start looking good.

[theme]

70% percent of communication has nothing to do with words, it's all in the body, in your facial expressions, and the tone of your voice. I hope I don't sound patronising, but a lot of people think their problems in conversation is everything to do with not having enough interesting things to say but learning body language+facial expressions+etiquette is like more than 70% of a good conversation right there.

[Candide]

Another thing I just realized is when I meet people, they never take or seem to take an interest in me. By that I mean they never ask me questions about myself and I always find myself asking them question after question. It makes me feel as though they don't want anything to do with me (an incident just happened earlier in the dorm that made me more aware of this) and I never become more than casual acquaintances with these people. Argh, sometimes I don't know if it's me or them. I actually went through some therapy last semester when I had an emotional breakdown and my grades tanked because of my emotional state as a result of my social situation. Why don't they ever care to ask me about myself? Never, and these are the people (mainly white females) who live on the same floor with me in the same dorm.

It's dehumanizing...

I can relate to that. It's nothing much to do with you. It is all to do with the fact that most people these days have bad manners and poor communication skills. Do you know the names of people in your dorm? If you know a few and actually talk to them, that's better than most people, who don't know the names of their neighbours. You are doing fine so stop feeling bad about it.

Getting back on the communication skills, it is like a tennis game. It takes efforts from both sides to make it a good game. So if you feel like you're doing your part, and the other side isn't responding well (like you're acing them all the bloody time :D ) then it's not entirely your fault and has to do with them not knowing how to play the game. Most people have poor communication skills, so if you're making the effort to ask them questions and are willing to get to know them more, you are doing well.

Now, to get people to ask you questions is very hard, and you need to play the tennis instructor, to continue with the above analogy. It's about serving the right ball that people can and feel like hitting back. That means asking the right question, or bringing up some interesting bit about yourself - sometimes called opening yourself up a bit - to invite questions from them. That takes skills and a lot of practice.

I suggest you do some short course on communication skills. Your college should have some.


Another thing I noticed is how I let people 'domineer' the topic on what's cool or what's not. Namely with the few 'friends' I have, they constantly dump on things I like not in a jokingly way, but seemingly spiteful and it pisses me off. For example, I am a huge NBA fan (sounds trivial but the implications are larger than the topic itself) and he would always be a hypocritical jackass about how he hates certain aspects of that league when at the same time he worships the NFL and two of the sh!ttiest bands I've ever heard of (Dave Matthews and U2) and I never state my opinion. I am sick of it, I am sick of being passive and not speaking my mind, how can I change my timidness? God, it angers me so much, it isn't my nature to be a prick, but it feels as though a lot of situations would be better for me (at least emotionally) if I can act as such...

Firstly you care too much about such penis measuring contest. Why gives a shit? It's adolescent bullshit. You said you're sick of being passive and not speaking your mind. I say you're not sick enough of that. If you're pissed off enough, you WILL speak your mind. So next time you feel like saying something, just SAY IT OUT LOUD, even if your voice shakes. Roar like a lion! :D

Read this:

Advice to Young Men from an Old Man: http://phoenix.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/279126743.html

And this:

The courage to live conciously: http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/courage-to-live-consciously.htm

And this:

What you can't say: http://paulgraham.com/say.html

Back to the shorty issue, I used to have some hang-up about my height - and I'm 5'8". I wanted to be taller, was a little jealous of taller bastards and was given some sticks for it from both males and females. I got over it for various reasons, but one of those was because I had a few colleagues who are very tall (6'5", 6'6") and being around them after a while gives me a different perspective on height. They aren't happy with their heights either, especially wrt their weights (one is fat and one is scrawny) and joint problems. I'm used to their heights and don't feel intimidated, particularly because I can bench press more than either. :D I found out that those who are not as tall as them are the ones who peacock the most about their heights and give shorter folks shit for it.

[Jin Tha MC]

Ty so much for this post, I will utilize it to the fullest extent.

I hope I can rid myself of that nagging feeling that I'm burdening someone with my presence...

[Jin Tha MC]

How can I become one of those types that are so carefree, loose, non-uptight and not afraid to look like a jackass?

I think that's been holding me back too, my inability to express myself past my 'default' emotions and expressions....

[Jin Tha MC]

Also, I have a thing with pessimism, I know it's great to be optimistic, but how do you develop a consistently positive outlook? I see everything in gloom and doom terms...


Wow, my mom was right about how I got my dad's side of the family's problems with depression and other negative emotional states.

[Tyger Durden]

How can I become one of those types that are so carefree, loose, non-uptight and not afraid to look like a jackass?

you have to talk to Kalbi about that. If he ever shows up here again, he might have some advice for you.

better yet, just observe him and follow his example as a role model of the type you've described.

[howstrange]

uh, I don't think those are Kalbi characteristics.. Kalbi seems to be upfront, aggressive, and very uptight.. he's the mr badboy type, at least that's what he tries to give off here.. It does well for him, but i think JinMC needs to improve on his commincation and people skills first. Going kalbi right now will just turn him into a major asshole.

[kwak76]

I would not recommend Kalbi to turn to..Kalbi is just too much at this stage.

Jin,
I think your young and trying to feel comfortable with yourself. My best advice is besides moving to new location is try to surround yourself with positive people.

Try to find that one person that can be a mentor to you. I was kind of like you in some ways. For a long time I had a confidence issue. I had issue with my race, looks and everything in between.

I had to come to terms with it. Even today I still deal with my insecurities but I realize that as long as there is some progress that's what's more important.

In best terms you want to find another Asian male friend who is more secure with himself and also good with the ladies. Learn from this person..

but if you can't find someone like that..than just be around positive people.
It 's a slow process but take baby step improving yourself.

[BoondockSaints]

What annoys me is how other Asian dudes feel that I'm "hurting" the Asian guy image. Because they know the stereotype and I know the stereotype. But what the hell can I do about that? It was genes as my mother was 4'9 and my father about 5'6. So yeah, I probably wasn't going to be the next Yao Ming.


I say forget those homos. Those kind of guys are projecting their own insecurities upon you. They want to impress "whitey" and feel you are a reflection upon them. Basically, they are douchebags.

[Candide]

You're asking too many questions at the same time and overanalysing yourself. Just pick one or two things you feel you're bad at and work on it. Don't try to tackle everything at the same time.

[Le Sheng Liu]

First of all, I'm 5"2 so SAG u got nothing on me. I can't see how anyone can blame u for being a stereotype with your height. You can't control that. Well I'm glad u can overcome the bullshit and be comfortable with yourself.

[RebelAzn]

I have been reading this thread and I do have some points.

First of all, I am sorry what these guys have go through just because they are Asian and short. It seems short Asian guys not only have to deal with being short, they also have to deal with being Asian in an all white community. I also do realize when you are the only Asian in a community, majority thinks you will represent the entire race and that's furtherest from the truth.

I still remember when I was 21, I was not nearly as confidence as I am now. I think every kid goes through that so I think you have a lot of companies. I used to work out like crazy. In some ways, it helped my confidence. I am 5'10" and I used to be built like a running back. It did not hurt with the ladies.

Here are some advices:

1. Lot of kids your age are going through the same thing. You have a lot of company.

2. Confidence is not only with your appearance, it comes from within. I used to have a Chinese Canadian friend who is 5'7". He was very aggressive with the ladies. Now I am no shy guy and I do fine with the ladies, but even I was impressed with his aggressiveness and success rate. He always HOOKED up. The dude would bring a different girl out with him all the time. I mean he hooked with Latinas, white women, Brazilian women, Asian women and more. I mean he is decent looking but more on the slender built. Put it this way, I can probably pick him up over my head so he is not exactly the macho type either. He did dress real well and he really know how to talk and make a woman feel special. I mean the guy was a womanizer if there is such a thing. Therefore, there is hope for you. You also should try to meet one of those guys to see how they do things. I am not recommending you to become a womanizer, but the key is really how to communicate with women in general.

3. Like some people said, you need to go out and do something you like and be really really good at it. It will help your confidence. If you like to work out, go and build some muscles. I always enjoyed that and even now I am doing it long after I graduated from college. If you like to play other sports, go out and prove yourself. Like the 5'3" dude said, go play basketball or something. Remember Spud Webb.

4. I highly highly suggest you take up public speaking. It really helped my confidence. I have no problem speaking to one or 1000 right now. I realize most people can't do that, but it will help you come out of your shell.

5. I think you really need to get laid. Ok I realize you have to get a girl first to get laid, but there are other ways for you to do it.

6. Confidence has nothing to do with height. Confidence is attractive to a woman. I know I love women who are confident and they love men that way too. I have a few brothers and none of us have a problem with the ladies, so it has nothing to do with you being Asian. Confidence really comes from within in.

7. Finally, nothing is ever as bad so don't ever let any crazy thoughts go into your head. Whatever you do, don't think about hurting other people especially yourself.

Ok above are some common advices from one guy to another guy. Good luck.

[OctaVentiConPanna]

7. Finally, nothing is ever as bad so don't ever let any crazy thoughts go into your head. Whatever you do, don't think about hurting other people especially yourself.


Good advice. Although, I think #7 is where they both wanted you to be discussing......

No, I am saying whatever you are doing HERE on this thread.
There are 2 possibilities: 1) you are trolling and 2) you are telling the truth but you are too deep in self pity to do anything.



With the constant repitition of the same themes & stereotypes and the interesting timing, I'm with your first possibility.

[warpeaceandfashion]

Nothing wrong with being short. Just act confident and the worse some girls can say is "No". Who gives a flying fuck than?

[Kuroyama]

If anybody really thinks being short is a barrier to meeting women... they better tell Prince!!! That is one SMALL guy, SM-ALL, that was been with more, and better looking women, than I will meet in my lifetime, and Im 6'3" with an athletic (swimmers) build.

I consider myself a reasonably handsome guy, but even back inna day going to clubs my 5'5" Chinese/Hawaiian Brotha got more leg, more often, than I did.

Like Prince says: "You gotta love you. Then everyone else will too."

[nskripchun]

If anybody really thinks being short is a barrier to meeting women... they better tell Prince!!! That is one SMALL guy, SM-ALL, that was been with more, and better looking women, than I will meet in my lifetime, and Im 6'3" with an athletic (swimmers) build.

I consider myself a reasonably handsome guy, but even back inna day going to clubs my 5'5" Chinese/Hawaiian Brotha got more leg, more often, than I did.

Like Prince says: "You gotta love you. Then everyone else will too."

yeah, but Prince is a crazy ass musician!

Everybody knows musicians score plenty of beautiful women, regardless of their looks. Look at Steven Tyler from Aerosmith.

[Heyyu]

Yeah, Prince isn't that good of an example cause he's a rich and famous musician so of course he's going to score chicks. Now if he was a 5 foot garbageman I'd be a lot more impressed...

[silkie]

Yeah, Prince isn't that good of an example cause he's a rich and famous musician so of course he's going to score chicks. Now if he was a 5 foot garbageman I'd be a lot more impressed...

I am imagining a shiny purple garbage truck with prince hanging off the side.

[Heyyu]

I am imagining a shiny purple garbage truck with prince hanging off the side.

And I imagine Oscar the Grouch popping out of that garbage can and getting down with it like it's 1999...

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/a/a2/250px-Oscar_the_grouch_at_smithsonian.jpg

[Kuroyama]

Though I dont know Princes Penises Personal History...Im guessing its a safe bet he was banging chicks like Lovesexy even before he was a gagafrafrillionaire.

[blockthebox]

I consider myself a reasonably handsome guy, but even back inna day going to clubs my 5'5" Chinese/Hawaiian Brotha got more leg, more often, than I did.

Like Prince says: "You gotta love you. Then everyone else will too."

Yeah, I've seen that a lot. Personally, I don't mind short. It's short AND skinny I don't like. I don't need to go out with a guy who I can bench press.

[nskripchun]

And I imagine Oscar the Grouch popping out of that garbage can and getting down with it like it's 1999...

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/a/a2/250px-Oscar_the_grouch_at_smithsonian.jpg

"B*TCH I LIVE IN A TRASH CAN!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AezWjFQ2hfc

[RebelAzn]

Isn't Asianplayboy 5'6" and 140 lbs? He does not seem to have a problem. There is plenty of hope for short guys. You just need game.

[whynot]

You can't hurt any "images" just because of your physical appearance man. That aside, I can't really relate to you but I got another problem of my own, I'm 6'2 and rather light skinned, people always assume I'm mixed or something, Asians can't be tall and light skinned? Lol.