Excessive PDA in CCBs

[poisenedrice]

This is a tangent and a mini rant, but what is it with all the yokos and bruces who just *have* to perform excessive Public Displays of Affection? I swear that just about every yokojohn (and increasingly brucelindas) that I see in public venues make it a point to just fuckin' make out and flirt excessively for the whole world to see, followed by dirty looks towards me or any other Asian guys unlucky enough to be in the vicinity. And yes, I have enough of these anecdotes to start a monthly newsletter.

Yes, you're in love, your love is colorblind, transcends race and culture, and Asians like me are racist and bitter just because we think it's fucked up that dating a white person is almost every AA's deepest desire. I GET THE POINT, TAKE THAT SHIT TO YOUR HOME, DORM ROOM, CAVE, OR WHEREVER THE HELL YOUR COLONIZED ASS DWELLS.

[Dialectic]

This is a tangent and a mini rant, but what is it with all the yokos and bruces who just *have* to perform excessive Public Displays of Affection? I swear that just about every yokojohn (and increasingly brucelindas) that I see in public venues make it a point to just fuckin' make out and flirt excessively for the whole world to see, followed by dirty looks towards me or any other Asian guys unlucky enough to be in the vicinity. And yes, I have enough of these anecdotes to start a monthly newsletter.

Haha, yeah, this happens all the time. The funny thing is, in most cases, you know it's deliberate, simply because you're looking at a couple in their twenties or thirties, and excessive PDA is a teenager thing.

This sort of behaviour makes sense, when you think about it. There are healthy IRs of all combinations, no doubt; if the IR disparity is primarily caused, however, by fetishism and colonial mentalities and self-esteem considerations, which most of us would agree it is, then we see that the "root" cause in the individual is some type of ego pathology. "Look at me," "I'm special," "I'm sexy," "I'm good enough," etc. So this sort of blatant public expression of that is to be expected, especially in the face of their ultimate "opposites," people to whom they have strong subconscious "shadow reactions," or people and things they try their hardest to dissociate from (consciously or not), often Asian males and parents.

(Wow, I'm actually quite happy with this explanation! That's it, I'm preserving this in Integral Slanted.)

[Ike]

Haha, yeah, this happens all the time. The funny thing is, in most cases, you know it's deliberate, simply because you're looking at a couple in their twenties or thirties, and excessive PDA is a teenager thing.

Wow. Remarks like that make me feel so young! :lol: Apparently I'm still in the age range where most people display too much affection in relationships.

However, I have noticed that it's mostly a white person thing. I was raised to feel uncomfortable about PDA (my mom would cover my eyes when Disney characters kissed), but I don't think my white friends think of it as a taboo. For example, my white friend showed me pictures of her when she was in middle school, sitting on the lap of her boyfriend, in a group photo with her family. I was shocked. My mom flipped out when she found my sister laying on her bed with her boyfriend sitting next to her while watching a movie, and they weren't even touching.

So my theory is that in a CCB couple, the Asian is already whitewashed enough to be dating a white person, which means that the couple will act more "white" than an AA couple. And white people tend to not have taboos against PDA. I see white couples making out on public benches in Boston, holding hands, snuggling on the bus, etc. Just stuff that I would never think of doing in public.

[cattygurl]

Haha, yeah, this happens all the time. The funny thing is, in most cases, you know it's deliberate, simply because you're looking at a couple in their twenties or thirties, and excessive PDA is a teenager thing.

Dunno, D... I've seen excessive PDA with ppl way past their 20's. I used to see it all the time when I worked at Clubs. That said, I see people do things in clubs they don't do out in public (alcohol being a big factor). If you've also ever had the extreme misfortune of going to mainstream country concerts, you will unfortunately see lots and lots of extreme PDA of all ages.

[Dialectic]

Dunno, D... I've seen excessive PDA with ppl way past their 20's. I used to see it all the time when I worked at Clubs. That said, I see people do things in clubs they don't do out in public (alcohol being a big factor). If you've also ever had the extreme misfortune of going to mainstream country concerts, you will unfortunately see lots and lots of extreme PDA of all ages.

I'm making a general statement that applies to "public places"; I was thinking of grocery stores and food courts and the like. Yes, places like clubs and concerns are of course going to have more PDA of all ages; they are also highly sexualized and narcotic-intense environments, and are much more conducive to that sort of thing. I was not thinking of highly sexualized public environments when I made the statement about "public places." There will always be specific exceptions to general statements; that doesn't negate the legitimacy of a general statement.

Bringing it back to the subject of the discussion, I do feel any couple which comes together out of screwed up self-esteem needs, race-related or not, are going to flaunt their "coupleness" a lot more than others who are together for healthy reasons. I think this makes sense.

[Charlie]

D has hit the nail on the head. CCB's low self esteem and need for validation causes them to flaunt any WM interest in them for the world to see. In the case of CCB's who amp up the PDA's when other Asians (particularly AM's) are around, there's also an element of one upsmanship ("see, I'm better than you regular Asians, I'm good enough to have a WM asiaphile take an interest in me. So what if it's exploitative, he still wants me!"). There might also be animosity towards the AM because her low self esteem makes her believe that all AM's lust after white girls ("Yeah, I know you want a WF, so fuck you, look at me slut around with this WM first. Na na na na na!").

[Sothy]

haha, I thought that this would be about PDAs (ie. blackberrys, cells, palmtops, etc.) and I was wondering what the CCB connection would be...

"my mom would cover my eyes when Disney characters kissed"

Wow...I'm speechless.

Bearing in mind that Integral demands that both internal and external factors be addressed (in singular and plural forms), the low self-esteem/validation reasons that are popping up on this thread, while (definitely) valid (ie. colonialism, othering, etc.), let's not forget that some of you have got to talk to your parents, your cousins, and your (localized) community, because the next generation is going to have similar problems...(and blaming the White man for Disney censorship only goes so far).

(note: not that your Mom was necessarily too harsh, but if taken to an extreme, imagine how some were influenced...)

[Ike]

haha, I thought that this would be about PDAs (ie. blackberrys, cells, palmtops, etc.) and I was wondering what the CCB connection would be...

"my mom would cover my eyes when Disney characters kissed"

Wow...I'm speechless.

Bearing in mind that Integral demands that both internal and external factors be addressed (in singular and plural forms), the low self-esteem/validation reasons that are popping up on this thread, while (definitely) valid (ie. colonialism, othering, etc.), let's not forget that some of you have got to talk to your parents, your cousins, and your (localized) community, because the next generation is going to have similar problems...(and blaming the White man for Disney censorship only goes so far).

(note: not that your Mom was necessarily too harsh, but if taken to an extreme, imagine how some were influenced...)

I don't think my last post was clear. I meant to add that PDA in CCBs (general PDA, not the kind where someone glares at you and then starts making out) could be a result of assimiliation to the dominant (white) culture in America. I'm comparing anecdotally how Asian (specifically Chinese, because that's the one I'm most familiar with) cultures view PDA as opposed to the dominant American culture. The culture that my parents are from seems less okay with PDA than the culture that my white friends' parents are from. I am not condoning excessive PDA in any couple - I was raised with the idea that it's not appropriate in certain venues.

[cattygurl]

I'm not discounting the excessive PDA is people that are insecure with their relationship in some way (and the PDA is a compensative action).

I'll just throw in one more factor. Couples with excessive PDA outside of club/concert situations, for the most part (I'd gander over 90%) were NEW couples- dating less than 6 months. The PDA factor drops precipitously for couples that have been dating for over a year.

[maogirl]

I'll just throw in one more factor. Couples with excessive PDA outside of club/concert situations, for the most part (I'd gander over 90%) were NEW couples- dating less than 6 months. The PDA factor drops precipitously for couples that have been dating for over a year.


#1, how do you know they're new couples? did you ask?

#2, the point that is being made here is that couples who come together without any esteem, etc. issues will usually not engage in gross PDA EVEN IF they're new couples.

see below:

I do feel any couple which comes together out of screwed up self-esteem needs, race-related or not, are going to flaunt their "coupleness" a lot more than others who are together for healthy reasons.

[xian]

Making out is awesome!

I basically agree with the generalizations, but there's always the few super-secure old couples who just like being affectionate all the time and have figured out that it doesn't really matter what whitey or Asian dude or Billy's grandma thinks about it.

That totally rules!

[da Tao]

If you've also ever had the extreme misfortune of going to mainstream country concerts, you will unfortunately see lots and lots of extreme PDA of all ages.

So THAT'S where the action at. Do you need to bring a date or you pick up there?

I agree with most things said here. I would like to give weight to what Catty said though. If you ever watched the show the Human Animal hosted by Morris Desmond, (First ever female orgasm viewed from the INSIDE), the pattern is that early pair-bonding is marked by behaviours that seems childish.

[aurochs]

^ Did you, perchance, mean Desmond Morris (of The Naked Ape fame)?

LOL For years, I thought that To Kill A Mockingbird was written by Lee Harper.