Asian American History 112-05

[Makulita]

With Professor Tuyay.

It starts technically today, since its already past 12:00 on a Saturday night. Officially begins at 1:30. So...I'm gettin' a little antsy, for me this'll be like formal training. I'll be familiar with the materials but the class will help me answer the gaps.

I don't think any of the rest've you stated whether or not y'all attended an AA history class.

So...

...Didja?

[Makulita]

I also wanted to share this from my e-journal:

I'll only have one class tomorrow and it starts 1:30 PM, its Asian American History 112-05 with Professor Tuyay. I've heard great things about him, and I'm really looking forward to his class but as I think about it I'm starting to wonder if I have the FORTITUDE to stick it out.

As it is, I'm already aware and familiar with Asian-American history and issues since it all started when Bonta-Wes gave me a link to YellowWorld.org back in 2003. Going to a class would be more like going through formal training and...that's good because it'll give me a better insight to my opinions but AA history, like all history, isn't very pretty so I'm 99.9% sure I'll hit my Rage quota every time class lets out.

And that's what I'm worried about.

Everyone already knows that I can have a short fuse and I'm unbelievably quick to anger. So y'all can imagine some of my reservations about attending this Monday/Wednesday class. The pressure's been building up inside ever since I signed up for the class and now its like this big, huge slobbering baby clinging to my chest and as such I need to get it the fuck off. Here we go, y'all:

***

What I remember of my childhood when I lived in Coronado, California before I moved to O'ahu, Hawai'i in 1994 are scarce and nearly non-existent. Just fleeting moments of me and my friend Mara doing goofy stuff like singing "Stop in the Name of Love" and a particular song about friends from TLC, the time I battled a classmate, Ronald, for a silly christmas ornament and the time Andrew Honeycutter, that rat bastard, spun me around during recess and let me go to crash into the woodchip-covered playground.
Besides those memories, I remember that I was the only filipino in my class. The only other asian-american was Ronald, he was Japanese. Between the two of us and my friend Mara, we were the only non-white students in that class. It never occured to me then, obviously.

Then my dad got stationed in O'ahu, Kapolei specifically. I didn't want to move, naturally but as a navy brat there wadn't shit I could do 'bout it. So we moved. Away from Coronado. Away from Silverstrand Elementary School. Away from the mainland. When we got there, I didn't feel any different than when I was in California. There were palm trees like in California, beaches, friendly people, schools etc. etc. The one thing that really changed that I never noticed back then was my racial environment. I went from being a minority to being a majority.

Literally.

While there were tons of other asians in Hawai'i there were also tons of other filipinos. And that's how I spent my formative years. Completely comfortable with my identity and never made to feel uncomfortable about the fact I was asian, that I was filipino since over half my class were filipino, half and part. There were was only two black people, one mexican and four white people in my mixed 5th/6th grade class. Then none in any of my classes from high school. During my last year in Hawai'i was when I noticed the lack of the other races that were abundant on the mainland. Again, didn't pay attention to it either. Then 1997 rolled around and my dad got stationed back in California, back to my home city of San Diego.

The transition didn't set in again either and my racial environment more or less stayed the same. Just more black and hispanic people, with white people staying in the minority.

Despite that, what I watched on TV was vastly different. I used to get excited and run to my parents telling them to switch to this or that channel because there was an asian on TV, I'd sit there with them and watch until they got bored and changed the channel which would send me flying back to my room to watch the rest of the appearance. And I loved it when my favorite shows had episodes in where asians were part of the story.

Then 2003 rolled around and Bonta-Wes sent me a link to YellowWorld.org, and that's when shit started rolling downhill. Over there, I was introduced to the current issues in Asian American politics.

The IR disparity.
Where asian women outmarry and have interracial relationships in a vastly disproportionate ratio to asian men.

The exotification and objectification of asian women in the media.
Otherwise known as the Lucy Liu Factor/Root of the Asian Fetish.

The villainization and emasculation of asian men in the media.
Charlie Chan. Long Duc Dong. Ming the Merciless. Fu Manchu.

Perpetual Foreigner Syndrome.
"Do you speak english?"
"Do you like this country?"
"Are you visiting? When are you going back home?"
"Where are you from?"

Asian Americans vs. Asian Immigrants.
"Those fobs are making us look bad!"
"These kids are too americanized!"

Intra-asian fighting.
Chinese vs. Koreans
Laotians vs. Thai
Vietnamese vs. Cambodians
Filipinos vs.Chinese
Everybody vs. Japanese

The Model Minority Myth.
"Oh! You asians are soooo good at math and science!"
"Can you help me with my homework?"
"Psst, what's the answer for number 14?"

I was curious and didn't understand so I read up on all of them. Most of those I had never experienced myself, but some others I had. Soon, what I had learned started to seep into everything. TV, advertisements, articles and everything else I used to love because they sometimes featured other asians I now hated because of the blatant stereotypes within them. I got so angry, but I didn't know how to deal with it. A mix of curiosity and anger fueled me on to read books by Frank Wu and Ronald Takaki and that in turn made me more curious and more angry. It was a clichÈd vicious cycle.

I spent weeks after reading all the articles, essays and books, feeling furious. But by the time I became aware I was already old enough to realize the repercussions of my actions so I kept it inside and away from my friends. I was able to do it since I could talk to Bonta-Wes about it but lately I've been slipping. When I got GuildWars it just made things that much worse, I started to make snide comments about the seeming preference for player monks who made their female characters as short as possible, sport the bun-style hair, chose the lightest skin and used the more asian-looking out of two asian faces. Very "asian". Very stereotypical. Then when I reached the Temple of Ages where we could see the statues of the gods, the fact they weren't lit up it meant we didn't have favor since the US PvP teams kept losing to the Korean teams... that's when the Korean-bashing started and I just lost it in there. I was cussing left and right and after most of the detractors left, I left too feeling angry with myself moreso than the people I was arguing with.

Those who are active in Asian American politics would look at me and say I lead a sheltered life because I was never discriminated against for being asian, that living most of my life around other asians had dulled me to the plight by asians who are far and in between one another. Like Vincent Chin who was beaten to death with a bat by Ron Ebens and Michael Nitz who believed he was Japanese and therefore responsible for the layoffs of thousands of auto workers. Like Dr. Wen Ho Lee who was accused of selling secret information to the Chinese government when he was born, and therefore a citizen of, America. Like the over 50 asian women who had ejaculate and urine in their drinks put there by Michael Lohman because of his fetishization.

I never experienced discrimination like that. This is true. But I, myself, am not completely free from it either. I remember two instances where I got a taste of what it could've been like had my father been stationed elsewhere. One was when I was going to summer school at the ECC. I was in their student store, picking up a snack when an old white man approached me, mistook me for Laotian and tried to say hello. I corrected him and he proceeded to try to say hello and say I'm beautiful in my own language. >_>" Jackass. This wouldn't've been as creepy if he had let go of my hand after introducing myself and his eyes darting up and down my body. I thought of some bullshit excuse to give him and I hauled ass out of there and found a secret place to cry in, angry at myself for not standing up and calling him on his pedophilia and asiaphilia. I spent the rest of my time at the ECC avoiding him.
The second I was out with my family at an In-N-Out. Across from us were a bunch of preppy-ass little dipshits. Usually when I eat I'm like a fuggin' ant about it and I don't look up until all food designated to me is in my stomach, but just once I looked up. And what I saw was one of those preppy little dipshits with the biggest shit-eating grin ever waving at me like I was a toddler or some caged animal in a zoo. I was completely shocked. I didn't know what to do, I just gave him a glare and sulkily resumed eating my food. They finished before I did and the only way out was to pass by us. As they did, I overheard the fucker who waved at me say, "...when I see an opportunity, I take it..." Take WHAT opportunity, motherfucker? Wave like a dumbass to the first colored person you've seen? Fuck you.


...


When I retell these stories to other people, they say I was being too sensitive. That would be true if I didn't know what I do now. I know about asiaphilia and perpetual foreigner syndrome now. I can't let shit like that slide anymore. I'll get angry and one day I may have to get up and say, "Does Makulita have to choke a bitch?" all because my world view became racialized. And that's the problem. Racism in itself is tricky and a majority of people don't understand what it means either, from people who try to pull the 'race' card to the people who say, "I don't care if you're red, yellow, green, black, white or brown." to the people who say, "I'm not racist but..." Its hard enough knowing there still is racism in the world, even harder when you have to stand there and figure out whether or not the situation you're in is racist or not. Knowing that makes me scared. There's alot of things I can't see the way I used to see them because of this. Its affecting and taking over my life. In time however, I'll grow used to it, I'll eventually learn how to counter it on my own terms. But for now, I'm fearing this change in me, what it will do to my friendships and the way I interact with the rest of the world.

I still don't know everything about asian american issues, but I will. I know I'll get angry but hopefully this class will help me dispell it. I can't look the other way anymore, I can't help now but to stare.

So c'mon Asian American History 112-05...

...Give me everything you've got.

[Dialectic]

"Does Makulita have to choke a bitch?"

Hahaha! "Makulita, motherfuckers, MAKULITA!!!"

Good luck with the class, girl! You'll do just fine :D

(And yes, you'll probably walk out of every class raging, as these classes tend to do that to even the most chilled out minorities, but hopefully your TAs will be Black or Asian and relate to your raging essays as a result!)

[DijabutiA]

Hahaha... I've got an AA literature class tommorow. I'm looking forward to it, but I don't know if I'll like it. But I'll just have to wait till tommorow and find out. Its the first time they offered a class like this here.

A Friend :wink: told me to just go and raise hell there... :lol:

[little mixed girl]

i took some asian-american [lit, etc etc] classes before.
but they were all 300+ :wink:
and of course i got A's in all of them :wink: