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View Full Version : How to ruin your Return of the King experience


Dialectic
Dec 19th, 2004, 06:53 AM
If you want to absolutely deconstruct, undermine, and basically ruin your ROTK-watching experience in every way, watch it with me, ZG, and Sheki.

We made, essentially, every sexist, racist, and homoerotic joke on the face of Middle-Earth, and, given the film's 4 hour duration, probably made most of them multiple times.

(Incidentally, I've read the trilogy several times, ZG has never read it but knows a shitload about it 'cause he's a big geek, and I think Sheki may have read it back in the day.)

As the movie was ending, we came to two general conclusions about the moral of this tale:

1) The craving and withdrawal symptoms Gollum and Frodo were experiencing were not unlike those of crack-cocaine. Crack-cocaine and other hard drugs will make you fucking crazy, and if you ever break the habit, you'll never be happy again.

2) It is inevitable that White people will triumph against insurmountable odds and rule the world. At least two races will be subjected to genocidal practices along the way. The only way White folk will fall is through addiction to crack-cocaine, but they are fully aware of its effects and make sure that only the po' laborer peasants have prolonged exposure to it.

DijabutiA
Dec 19th, 2004, 06:41 PM
I was waiting for Ewoks to start banging on Storm Trooper helmets at the end of it, which i told my friends while we were watching it at the theatre.

xian
Dec 20th, 2004, 04:03 PM
The scene with the king dude running around on fire is one of the best comedic moments in modern cinema.

I was disappointed that he didn't continue to run through the frame once in a while for the remainder of the film.

Heyyu
Jan 5th, 2005, 01:42 PM
We made, essentially, every sexist, racist, and homoerotic joke on the face of Middle-Earth, and, given the film's 4 hour duration, probably made most of them multiple times.

I can see how elves and hobbits can be sexist and racist. However, they're not homoerotic... they're just VERY European :P