A Little About Me

[Dialectic]

This one goes out to the Fatfishes and Samuraijacks and Kwak76s and Seoulbrothers of the world who think that I somehow don't have a true perspective or understanding on the "plight" of the North American Asian male.



I grew up in Atlanta, Nova Scotia, and Ottawa before any White motherfucker in any of those places had ever been used to seeing an Asian, much less a little kid. Unlike even the rest of the Core44s, I grew up poor, my family being very financially unstable with no academic or professional prestige. We picked up mattresses people threw out on the sidewalk on trash day not two blocks from where I live now. I grew up physically weak: I couldn't climb a pole or kick a ball hard or win an arm wrestle. I grew up mentally weak: I was afraid to talk to people, afraid to show love or anger, afraid to stand up for myself. I never went on a single date in all of highschool, and I could barely talk to a girl in my first year of college.

Who do you think wrote Jump and FOB? Where do you think I got the ideas to write about those experiences? Who founded this fucking site that you spend hours on everyday? Who manages and edits all the damn content both on and off the forum?

All this, and I got no credit in the bank with you motherfuckers? As soon as I say one thing about accepting all people here, about showing respect and being intelligent and witty, I get jumped on for being a P.C. whore who thinks the world is all love and roses? No wonder you fuckers are so angry: I'd be too if everyone looked at me like a dumbass all the time.

The one difference between me and you? I took responsibility for my damn life, saw what worked, what didn't, what to improve and what to let go of, and I did. And I'm still doing it. But you fuckers, there's no hope for you. You're in a tunnel so dark and deep not even Tojo can pull you out. That's what Fighting 44s has taught me: that there are good people of all genders and ethnicities who are open to new ideas and thoughts and feelings, and there are closed, dumbass people (a surprising number of whom are Asian males) who don't have the capacity to venture even a step out of their little worlds.

[kwak76]

To Dialectic,
I posted a reply on the figthing section of this forum. I agree that my attack on you was a low blow. But I know SB1 I met him in South Korea.
SB1 doing alot for the Korean community than many so could activist I meet. In other words he walks the talk.

What got me upset was you want an exchange of witty and intelligent response. Good, I know we all have to work on that. I think SB1 thread was not aimless hate. But you sound like you were threatening him to STFU. Maybe because I 'm friends with him I did what I did.

I think in order for all us to improve ourselves we do need to challenge ourselves. I'm not questiong where your coming from . You essay are good and I see some of me in that eassy.

I understand you guys want this fourm to go a certain way but let me use Jin the MC as an example. Jin as you would say had to deal will bigger shit to get to where he is right now. Just like with this forum your going to deal with crazy posters. Jin use wit to battle his enemy. I think instead of saying stfu to poster that you don't agree with you have to practice what you preach. (I hope you don't take this offensively.)

I admit I have to work on my approarch. Shit I think half the people that post here has to work on thier post but I think as asian american we need to express ourselves. And yes some of it will be hate but I think through self-awareness they realize what happens.

Oh yeah, you guys like to use Jin, or Bruce Lee as an example of what we should emulate. Which is a good measuring stick to achieve. Pretty lofty and I don't know if allus could be like that. If we were we all be famous or something. You got me going to post on thread called "angry" . I post that up laterly but it got me thinking.

[seoulbrotherno1]

Dialectic,

I never came out and said that you don't know shit. I never personally attacked you. I did say that I thought there was a lot of White liberalism in the AA community and I also said that I've seen some of it here.

You don't like my views on hate? That is your perogative. I invited you to join the conversation on the other thread, but you opted not to. Again, your perogative. Again, I am not attacking you.

I was annoyed with the approach you took towards me, which was heavy handed and seemed to be threatening. I also felt like you were speaking down to me as if my opinions and experiences had no merit, but yours should be embraced by me unconditionally.

I had said earlier that I did appreciate that there was a space here where it seemed like intelligent conversation could occur. I was annoyed with the above, but I wasn't trying to be insincere. I do appreciate that there is a space. I am sure that you put a lot of sacrifice into making this site. I can imagine that there were some serious troll-hater assholes that gave you plenty of headaches.

Taking that into consideration, I am trying to give you space. Your approach is definitely rubbing me the wrong way, but I am trying to be sympathetic as to why you are getting pissed. You gotta a lotta anger too. Right now you are launching a personal attack that I just don't feel is warranted. You are welcome to disagree about my opinions on hating White folks, but I really don't think that you know enough about me to engage in the personal mudslinging you are trying to start here.

Also, Kwak76 has been here for a while, and contributed a lot. I think it is pretty unfair to get so worked up and dismiss him and everything he has done because of one thread. Kwak76 is a good guy, and he speaks for himself well, so I don't think I really need to repeat what he has said. I think that neither him nor I are trying to pick a fight with you (I am sure that we are both down to civily debate whatever we may disagree with).

What happens next is up to you. We don't have to be buddies or anything, but I don't want to be banned (nor do I want kwak76 to be banned) because you disagree with my (his) opinions. I think that I probably agree with you on more issues than I disagree with you, so I am not trying to slug it out.

sb1

[Dialectic]

Jesus fuck, neither of you are gonna be banned.

Yeah Kwak has posted a lot and he has said some good shit; then he directly implies that I have some kind of rosy worldview and both of you say we're acting like White liberals, and that's not a significant statement on your levels of insight?

(And some aspects of White liberalism are, by the way, good.)

As for civil debate, I and the other Founders and mods have engaged in plenty.

Here's how it goes:

Randomposter: We should be able to say anything we want!
Core/mod: Well no, that's gonna fuck up the forum, and we've seen it happen, and we had to lock it down and clean it up. It doesn't make anyone better.
Rp: You're oppressing my shit like White people! Where can I speak?! You pander to White people! You fucking White liberal dipshit!
C/m: Well no, we're not doing that, we're encouraging wit and intelligence, and we've established what we're about in the Declarations and Little Red Book.
Rp: You sellout pansy-ass P.C. whore motherfucker bastards! I came to this site looking to spew, and you're keeping me down! Fuckers!
Cm: Well no, we're not trying to keep anyone down, we just wanna maintain a certain level of intellectual and emotional and artistic integrity.
etc.

This is why I don't engage in debates on how to run the forum anymore. They're a waste of my time, and anything which runs contrary to the Declarations and LRB gets knocked down hard before it can take root.

I'm not looking for your appreciation or sympathy or obeisance or even respect. I'm looking for your behavior here to be in line with the guidelines we set out.

Fighting 44s is not primarily a place for you to dump your shit, though that is one function. It's a place we go to try to make ourselves into better people. You want to know what "better" means? Read the Declarations and Integral Slanted to find out. The brief version: insightful, inclusive, physically and emotionally and intellectually healthy.

We expect people to come here, learn something, gain insight into something, go back into the world, and maybe be a slightly, slightly better human being for it. They keep coming back, they keep going back out, and the cumulative effect over the months and years becomes tangible and significant. That's what we're about.