yo
Jul 16th, 2004, 08:13 PM
yo i guess i should probably post a somewhat overdue intro, so this is my story... it's a bit longwinded, but whatever..
basically, i'm a Chinese-American, going to school at Penn State right now
i grew up in State College, PA
State College is about as model minority as you can get.. every single Asian kid who grew up here has at least one parent with a Ph. D., and every other Asian kid from around here goes to an Ivy League school. Asians were runnin the show where I grew up; they lived in the richest neighborhood, there kids were the one wearing Tommy Hilfiger, and none of their kids had trouble getting dates. All through high school, i followed the model minority path: got good grades, played on basketball team, got big engineering scholarship. Back then, I was never really aware of Asian American issues.
The summer before my freshman yr of college (about 2 yrs ago), I stumbled upon MM.com. A lotta the stuff there, especially the stuff about how media portrayals fuck Asians over, really struck me. Growing up, it had seemed to me that Asians were better than everyone else; as I mentioned, we were the richest ppl in the town i grew up in. So seeing MM.com, and all the stuff about the racism and the CCB's... it all hit me like a fucking bullet.
I got really, really pissed after seeing MM.com. At the same time, I was seeing this girl who smoked and dealt weed a lot. I was young, smart, and pissed off at the white man; so I became a weed dealer, eventually moving on to LSD and some Foxy. I made it a rule never to deal to Asians, only to deal to white ppl. I had my own little code of ethics that went something like this:
1. Never deal to Asians (I really wanted to fuck white people over; plus, I justified what I did by telling myself, "Hey whitey sold all that opium to the Chinese, now I'm just selling it back to him!")
2. Don't use any of the drugs you're runnin'. Basically, don't get high off your own supply. And don't get high period
3. Don't let the greed get to you. Don['t lose yourself so much in the drug game that you get dragged into it irrevocably.
I spent that summer, and the entire first semester of my freshman year, dealing drugs to every single white person I could. In some nihilistic way, I wanted to destroy the minds and thus the society of the white man (perhaps not coincidentally, I was also reading a lotta Nietzche around this time).
Towards the end of first semester, freshman yr, I just stopped dealing. I don't know if my rage was gone, or if it was fear, but I got tired of the business/the game, whatever you wanna call it. About a week later, I found out one of the whiteys I'd been dealing to OD-ed and had to be sent to the hospital. He'd been smokin lotsa reefer, and had taken 5 or so hits of LSD, then drank a buncha shots. I hear he's still in rehab. Haven't heard anything about any of the other people I dealt to.
I look back at that time, and I'm pretty much ambivalent about it. I can't get myself to feel good or bad about it either way for some reason. I'm still pissed off about the racism in this country, but I don't feel that what I did was the right way to go about it. I don't really feel I was wrong either.
To those of you talking about organizing Asian hit squads and shit like that, that's my story of what I did cuz I was pissed at the white man. I won't say it's good or it's bad.. it's something I did when I was a bit younger, and that's that.
basically, i'm a Chinese-American, going to school at Penn State right now
i grew up in State College, PA
State College is about as model minority as you can get.. every single Asian kid who grew up here has at least one parent with a Ph. D., and every other Asian kid from around here goes to an Ivy League school. Asians were runnin the show where I grew up; they lived in the richest neighborhood, there kids were the one wearing Tommy Hilfiger, and none of their kids had trouble getting dates. All through high school, i followed the model minority path: got good grades, played on basketball team, got big engineering scholarship. Back then, I was never really aware of Asian American issues.
The summer before my freshman yr of college (about 2 yrs ago), I stumbled upon MM.com. A lotta the stuff there, especially the stuff about how media portrayals fuck Asians over, really struck me. Growing up, it had seemed to me that Asians were better than everyone else; as I mentioned, we were the richest ppl in the town i grew up in. So seeing MM.com, and all the stuff about the racism and the CCB's... it all hit me like a fucking bullet.
I got really, really pissed after seeing MM.com. At the same time, I was seeing this girl who smoked and dealt weed a lot. I was young, smart, and pissed off at the white man; so I became a weed dealer, eventually moving on to LSD and some Foxy. I made it a rule never to deal to Asians, only to deal to white ppl. I had my own little code of ethics that went something like this:
1. Never deal to Asians (I really wanted to fuck white people over; plus, I justified what I did by telling myself, "Hey whitey sold all that opium to the Chinese, now I'm just selling it back to him!")
2. Don't use any of the drugs you're runnin'. Basically, don't get high off your own supply. And don't get high period
3. Don't let the greed get to you. Don['t lose yourself so much in the drug game that you get dragged into it irrevocably.
I spent that summer, and the entire first semester of my freshman year, dealing drugs to every single white person I could. In some nihilistic way, I wanted to destroy the minds and thus the society of the white man (perhaps not coincidentally, I was also reading a lotta Nietzche around this time).
Towards the end of first semester, freshman yr, I just stopped dealing. I don't know if my rage was gone, or if it was fear, but I got tired of the business/the game, whatever you wanna call it. About a week later, I found out one of the whiteys I'd been dealing to OD-ed and had to be sent to the hospital. He'd been smokin lotsa reefer, and had taken 5 or so hits of LSD, then drank a buncha shots. I hear he's still in rehab. Haven't heard anything about any of the other people I dealt to.
I look back at that time, and I'm pretty much ambivalent about it. I can't get myself to feel good or bad about it either way for some reason. I'm still pissed off about the racism in this country, but I don't feel that what I did was the right way to go about it. I don't really feel I was wrong either.
To those of you talking about organizing Asian hit squads and shit like that, that's my story of what I did cuz I was pissed at the white man. I won't say it's good or it's bad.. it's something I did when I was a bit younger, and that's that.