peace,

I am a white woman, in a happy relationship with a Chinese man, and I wanted to say a few things.

You all know where this stupid stereotypes about Asian men came from, and what their purpose is. It is hard to get rid of that historical burden created by the dominant and paranoid white culture, but you simply have to. You have the right to enjoy life and feel great about yourselves. All human beings are the same on the inside, and it’s only the culture and economy that create differences.

I don’t know much about the problems between AM and AF, so I won’t talk about that. However, I can assure you that a lot of white women find Asian men very attractive and masculine. Of course, our white brothers don’t want you to know that, because that would hurt their egos. Asian men don’t lack anything in terms of masculinity, and shyness is often a plus. Women like to feel respected and appreciated, and as if they are being chased by a hungry dog. Maybe guys among themselves portray great assertiveness as something very positive, but from a woman’s perspective, it is more like to repel than attract. If you are shy but friendly, women will come to you because it’s not about hunting - it’s all about attracting. Dominance may play a role between men, but women respond best to tenderness and attention. A sign of mature masculinity is knowing how to treat a woman properly. In that respect, I give my Asian dates an A+, and the white guys gets a B-.

Your post is one of the more articulate that I have read on the Fighting 44s.

I like your point that the “current social order can’t be reformed.”

This is the problem with mainstream Asian American activism. It seeks to reform and appeal to an American system that–in terms of race–is founded upon White Supremacy.

“The real work for us is a lot more than asian male sexuality. The biggest and most unpleasant job is fixing the scars between asian women and asian men.”

This is also very true. I see this gender division even among Asian Americans who are relatively politically conscious. I can imagine it is much more pronounced for Asian Americans in mainstream society, who are largely oblivious (or indifferent) to the larger race and gender issues that drive this division.

The real work for us is a lot more than asian male sexuality. The biggest and most unpleasant job is fixing the scars between asian women and asian men.

Self-serving caucasian myths are about more than attacking non-white sexuality; these myths are part of a deeply entrenched racism where whites profit off our backs in a number of ways. Take slavery and labor exploitation for example. A big task is uniting and having solidarity with other non-whites, especially working class non-whites. And yes, working-class whites also. That’s going to be a tough one, but it’s been done before.

What whites steal from us is pretty obvious, but wouldn’t asian males at the forefront of universal health care or a new minimum wage law be more socially powerful? Now is a good time for it, since the power structure of this country is suffering from the upper class’ economic and political overreaching.

How about pushing for reparations for blacks? The political benefits of asian men supporting this are enormous. My point is that whites profit from their sexual lies about blacks, asians, latinos, etc. Why put energy into constructing a “better, un-stunted” image? Isn’t that just playing their game by their rules?

When the Black Panthers came out with their political tactics and philosophy, Whites definitely felt under the gun back in the 60s. Blacks didn’t go out of their way to project a new safe sexual “good” image for whites. They said “black is beutiful” it’s true, but they combined that with community activism and a political movement based on broad community support. Now that’s the stuff of claiming what’s coming to you.

Don’t get me wrong, as a Chinese male, I know exactly where I stand in the pecking order, and I sure as hell didn’t choose it either. The thing is that white racism is so pervasive that the whole of social customs and society is corrupted. Trying to create a safe sexual identity for asian males is kind of like a paint job on a broken house. Why not attack whites where it counts? The current social order can’t be reformed, it needs to be destroyed first and then recreated.

That maybe true.

but I believe his lowbrow intelligence may be the reason he is more accessible to a large base of mainstream readers, he’s also shrewed enough to realize tackling the gender issue would be political suicide.

My guess is if he replied to you, he’d risk guilt by association. No offence here, but I’m saying that people on this discussion forum are free to use certain words like Cracker, SOW, CCB, Whitey, and Cracka.

I can understand the need to blow off steam and go to a safe space to vent on the internet without being called a Gook or Chink, but this type of thing doesn’t go unnoticed by alot of people, especially white people who won’t understand.

maybe you should send him another email.

With regard to the children/adults statement, it’s not “useful” in that it doesn’t get into specifics, but it holds an important truth. Calling a generalization a stereotype clouds the issue; the fact is, children are not adults, and generally, one has to speak with children differently than one speaks to adults.

This does not mean that you condescend to them, lord your “maturity” or authority over them, or command them. You meet them where they are; you establish a rapport by virtue of common experience and values and interact with them in a respecful and intelligent manner.

I would also disagree that we can generalize whether the differences between individuals are more profound than differences between age, and in any case, as I’ve said in many posts and comments, it’s about understanding where someone is in his/her development in his/her various lines or “modules” and acting accordingly. My simplified child/adult example was used to illustrate, in an obvious manner, that people do grow, and that we don’t give the keys to the car and a bottle of beer to an 8 year-old.

I think you appreciate this, and I think you appreciate that development is most obvious in the childhood years leading up to the 20s.

I have been in teacher, authority, and caretaker positions with people of varying ages, including university, high school, and infants, and my experiences have been quite positive; when I say we treat kids like kids, I don’t mean we treat them like animals or immature babies or I tell them I know better than them and here’s the way things are. It just means I treat kids like kids. If teaching and mentoring didn’t pay so poorly and have so much fucked up politics, I’d be a teacher or social worker right now.

I never assumed that I know exactly what people need, and in fact, I assume very little about people before I interact with them. But after speaking to or dealing with people, even in the course of just a few hours or days, it’s not that hard to start understanding where they come from, what they’re looking for, and what their issues are.

Anyway, once again, my point is to emphasize that development happens, and without accounting for this, treating anyone differently from anyone else can be easily twisted into “hypocrisy.”

I tend to have picked up my habits in how to treat kids from my mother. She just talks to them the same way as any adult with some minor alterations. They seem to like it and they certainly learn a lot more.

People need different stuff, but if you assume you know exactly what they need and what they can handle before you know much about them as an individual, you tend to limit your interactions.

As for Angry, he’s a good guy, but he’s not particularly insightful and doesn’t like to touch anything controversial within the AA community, particularly the gender/sexual stuff.

He gave us our “break” when we first started by mentioning us on his site, and he has mentioned us again here and there, but as soon as I sent him a link to what I’d written on IR (and my tone in that article was completely respectful and open), he ignored my email with no response.

I also think his site is both hurting and helping now. He calls out too many things as “racist” and sounds too judgmental in certain cases, which is off-putting to moderate whites and Asians. In addition, he gives too many Asian Americans a pass for putting out questionable work and making questionable statements, and his definition of Asian American is too broad.