How Can You Fuck the Patriarchy If You’re Fucking the Patriarchy?
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One night, I met up with two queer friends: ER, a white American woman with a disability who identifies as a man, and MA, a Eurasian chick who grew up in Pakistan’s upper class and has lived on three continents. I am a second generation Chinese Canadian, from the suburbs of Vancouver. To be more specific, I’m a misanthropic straight girl.
As we sipped our drinks, ER told us about a hardcore lesbian she knew who had a tattoo that read: “How can you fuck the patriarchy if you’re fucking the patriarchy?”
I laughed. I thought of all the arguments that we’ve had on The Fighting 44s regarding race-based advocacy and interracial relationships and began to wonder if it is possible to fuck the patriarchy if one is fucking the patriarchy.
When I later sobered up, I had two questions:
What does it mean to be a feminist* in North America at this juncture in time?
What does it mean for a woman of Asian descent to be a feminist in North American at this juncture in time?
I do not know how to answer the first question. I simply feel that we’ve grown to a point where the old feminist models do not suit our current needs. What passes as feminism is quite selfish and narcissistic. As well, my main problem with this popular form of feminism isn’t that many of its practitioners are fucking the patriarchy, but rather, there are too many “feminists” who choose emulate the patriarchy in a misguided attempt to achieve empowerment. Women should not be measuring self worth in relation to men or the result is that we will be forever viewed as second-rate men. The same can be said for Asian Americans: we should not measure our self worth in relation to the white majority.
As for the second question—I meditate on this topic fairly often. As Asian North American women, our relationship to the patriarchy is complex because both race and gender are at play: we are contending with a white patriarchy.
Yet, there are women in our community who think that our oppressors are Asian American men. There are women who claim that there is sexism within the Asian American community and use this claim to bully any man who questions the validity of a misguided feminism that aligns itself with the white majority.
Yes, Asian American men can be sexist–American society rewards sexism on many levels. But the important thing to remember is that Asian American men do not have the fraction of power that white men do. If an Asian American man acts in a sexist fashion on an interpersonal level, he does not have institutional power backing him in North America: it is merely sound and fury, signifying nothing. Asian American men are barely visible in the North American imagination. They are not our oppressors. Again, we are contending with a white patriarchy.
If we are truly Asian American feminists, then we must fight alongside our men, not against them. Only then can our feminism move beyond narcissistic concerns and actually serve our community.
* Let’s be real: it’s a privilege to be able to claim that one is a feminist. To deny this fact is to pretend that class doesn’t exist.
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TheMac
7:51 am | Apr 16, 2008Word to the point on any -ism being weakened without the institutional power (structure) to make it ‘meaningful’.
jaehwan
11:40 am | Apr 16, 2008Awesome post! I love the focus on institutional power and the fact that the current practice is based on narcissism. I wonder why those (huge) issues never seem to occur to the mainstreamers.
groinpull
3:49 pm | Apr 17, 2008I think sometime ago you, Nightshade, wrote that you don’t care if Asian women date white men, but you prefer to date Asian men. am i right?
So this post is towards Asian women who claim to stand for something, but by dating White men, they’re undermining their positions. right? In other words, it’s hypocrisy.
On that platform, I would agree with you.I don’t think I mind WM/AF couples, but I hate the hypocrisy of it all. They’re bleeding Asian American men dry by taking on all positions and leaving us with no recourse.
groinpull
3:51 pm | Apr 17, 2008Like the issue of supporting Asian American cinema. AA women want to produce movies like Red Doors or Falling for Grace and expected us to support it because it’s ‘Asian American’ and it’s putting AA actors out there. But if you’re making a movie about WM/AF ALL the time, what’s the point of Asian Americans?
nightshade
9:17 pm | Apr 18, 2008Well, I don’t care if Asian women date white men as long as they don’t say shit like, “OMG, Asian men are so sexist, that’s why I totes have to date a white man.” The same rules apply for Asian dudes dating white women.
But yes, at the end of the day, if we’re advocating for an Asian American movement, it looks pretty fucking stupid if the person we love most in the entire universe isn’t a fellow Asian. This is not a value judgment on someone’s love–it’s a simple observation.
As maogirl said in a post, if Obama had married a white woman, his message would be perceived in a different light. We are not living in a society where we can pretend that we’re post race.
aznbro
5:47 pm | Apr 20, 2008Great post… Actually, it’s been an excellent series of posts on the topic of feminism by various authors.
I’m curious to know shy there has been relatively few comments among the lady members of the F44s. I’ve been a long-term part-time lurker on this forum and I seem to recall that over the past few years, several female posters have questioned why so much time has been spent on the issue of IR disparitiy but not on asian feminisim. Well, it seems now is the time to chime in. Does the relative silence imply general agreement or disagreement with the stated opinions?
nightshade
7:52 pm | Apr 20, 2008We pissed off all the feminists, except for the male ones.
But in all seriousness, I read a poorly written response (by a man) to this post on another forum. (And then all these chicks agree with him…god, what a bunch of retarded lemmings.) This leads me to think that some people may think that this piece is misogynist.
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2214375888&topic=7444
jaehwan
11:15 pm | Apr 20, 2008Haha…I now have a Facebook account, and I just checked that out. The dude (who used to be on the 44’s) wrote:
What does it mean to be you?
To be or not to be, that is the question.
Pretty hilarious that this dude is posting on a board called “Asians Not Brainwashed by the Media.” Why is he posting on that group? Before he’s part of a group, he’s an individual. Right?
Well, if it’s any consolation, those who think your piece is misogynist just don’t get it.
Xian
11:26 pm | Apr 20, 2008Obviously, it is possible for a man to correctly point out when a female is being complicit with misogyny, but it’s a pretty sketchy dynamic that I would certainly tread lightly around as a male feminist.
My experience is that most of the time that members of the privileged group are calling out members of the minority power group, it’s pretty self-serving.
That being said (and pre-apologies), I would just stress the need for two-way support on these issues. We as Asian American males desperately require the empathetic support and solidarity of Asian American females on gender/racial struggles. But Asian American males need to show the same empathy on the complementary gender/racial struggles that Asian American females face.
I remember many of the conflicts on this board stemming from internalized racism in BOTH gender groups–Asian American women who had internalized the society’s racist preference for white males and also the Asian American men who had internalized the society’s sexist male ideal.
blockthebox
12:25 am | Apr 23, 2008Great points, Nightshade. For Asian women, the first question is almost irrelevant since it doesn’t address the racial component. AA feminists who don’t understand that white patriarchy is the enemy are delusional.