The Fighting 44s

With all the recent debate and discussion on interracial relationships within the Asian American community, I’ve decided that it’s time for some positivity. I’m going to head away from all the anger and frustration and instead relate to you the virtues and glory of the nation of my birth, which is the Free Republic of Hojiminy.

Although I am an American citizen who loves my country of the United States of America, I nevertheless consider myself Hojiminese. I know that people cannot accept me as an American, and I take no offense to that. I am, after all, Hojiminese, and we are known for our tolerance and good nature. I speak fluent Hojiminese, and I am always willing to share my knowledge with others. I visit my homeland every year and I keep very much in touch with Hojiminese culture. Being the foreigner that I am, even though I grew up in America, I sometimes forget myself and I answer “New York” when people ask me where I’m from. So silly of me, I know! When they ask me the same question again for the second or third time, I realize my mistake and I tell them that I am from the Free Republic of Hojiminy. But, enough about me. Let’s talk about Hojiminy.

When I tell people that I am from Hojiminy, they are often confused. “Where the hell is that?” they ask. Why, Hojiminy is a small island nation off the coast of Fiji. “Are you Chinese?” No, silly. I am Hojiminese. Since Hojiminy is such a small nation, it only has two cities - the capitol of Chuttup and the port city of Yupric. I, myself, am from Chuttup. No offense to my fellow countrymen in Yupric, but I find Chuttup to be much more cosmopolitan.

The direct translation for “Hojiminy” is “Mountain Gods,” but in our language it can be used to refer to the nation of Hojiminy as well as the Mountain Gods.

Here is a picture of the Hojiminy flag:

Our current president is Homosu Yan Jonzuki. He has been in power for thirty years despite repeated assassination attempts, and the people love him. We do not always have a lot of freedom but we have work, food, and sex. Like our neighbors in Fiji, our national sport is Netball. It is played with a net and a ball, it is much fun. During the winter it is very cold, and it is very hot in the summer because the land is so high above sea level. Our chief exports are cheese, pork, and sugar.

We Hojiminese have a very unique culture that can be very confusing to Americans. For example, it is customary for Hojiminese to greet non-Hojiminese with a slap to the face. Americans think that this is rude, and I can understand that it is not a part of their culture. There is a reason for the custom, though; it is from the old days, when foreign explorers first came upon Hojiminy. The Hojiminese at the time were not sure of the intentions of these foreigners, and so they slapped them whenever possible to see their reaction. If the foreigner slapped you back, then you knew that he meant violence and you sacrificed him to the Mountain Gods. If he did not slap you back, then you knew that he meant peace and was willing to trade blankets and alcohol. Of course there is no need for this now, in modern times, but it is still tradition. In Hojiminy, tradition is very important. At this time, I would like to share with you our national anthem:

Shing wa walala waga shing wa gway shing wa guh

Shing wa walala waga shing wa gway gwah guh wung

Oh ee de seh deh shing wa gway shing wa guh

Oh ee de seh deh shing wa gway gwah guh wung

(Repeat 15 times)

Translated into English, the words are:

Death to the enemies of the Hojiminese nation

Death to the enemies of the Mountain Gods

May their children drown in their own blood

May you know peace and joy in Hojiminy

There is so much to tell you about Hojiminy, but I have written much already and I do not wish to bore anyone! Anyone should feel free to contact me with any questions they may have, I am always happy to share the culture and language of Hojiminy with you all.

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 25th, 2007 at 9:36 am and is filed under Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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