AI, I actually was a little torn about whether to use the pejorative or not. My conclusion is that “all language has function”, and that it’s sometimes necessary to be pejorative.

I thought that the term would help folks discern between secure, Asian American women who WOULD tell someone coming from that specific racist mindset to get lost, but would not necessary push for a goal of racial separation.

But I feel you. I suppose “fetishizing” should cover that. I suppose seeing the frequent defense of “fetishizing”, I wanted to make sure I pushed it out of any grey area. I question too whether simple lexiconal choice should “render a compelling article into a rant”.

[quote]I don’t know if fetish-based people think that way. I’ve known some AF women who would date Joey Buttafuoco and act like they’re dating Bill Clinton; for whatever reason, they just can’t tell the difference. Though less common (probably in part because the numbers themselves are smaller), there are Asian guys like this too. I think the fetishists are just blind.
[/quote]

I agree with this in principle. And it won’t always work. But I think this very principle is why it will work. No relationship is perfect, and the type of folks who refuse to acknowledge it can still feel it under the surface. However, their superiority mindset may prevent them from comparing themselves to non-IR relationships.

However, many of them enjoy the added–usually positive–attention they receive in public due to their “exotic” coupling. As a result, they are far more likely to notice and compare themselves to another IR couple. The more openly racists will probably still suffer from the assessment bias you are discussing; more moderates will not. Either way, if you really outshine them, third parties observing the situation are likely to draw their own conclusions.

In a way, this is part of the burden of responsibility of the IR couple. I think that we should all have brilliant, pre-thought out strategies for dealing with these type of situations as they come up.

I just have a problem with this: “………… fetishizing cracker boys to fuck off”.
Why the racist pejorative?. It has the effect of rendering such a compelling article into a rant.

Nice to see you back.

I really don’t disagree with anything you said. The only IR’s in activism that bother me are the Kingston-style ones where they talk as if Asian men are the greatest men in the world, and then they and all their friends only date or marry white. Most activists in IR don’t push the issue, so it doesn’t bother me at all what they do with their personal lives at all.

And I agree with you that we need all the help we can get. If it’s not an IR, great. If it is, great. Everyone can make his or her own contribution.

For the purpose of discussion, one point where I might slightly disagree is here:

“Believe it or not, I could give a shit if you think so or not–I’ll still be ducking bullets at school regardless–but you need me. Because a fetish-based IR couple is a lot more likely to look at my wife and I’s relationship and feel inadequate than they are to listen to your preaching–no matter how accurate it is–and change.”

I don’t know if fetish-based people think that way. I’ve known some AF women who would date Joey Buttafuoco and act like they’re dating Bill Clinton; for whatever reason, they just can’t tell the difference. Though less common (probably in part because the numbers themselves are smaller), there are Asian guys like this too. I think the fetishists are just blind.