Everyday Dying
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Chorus
I wanna cry, I wanna die
Wanna be the apple of somebody’s eye
I want money piled to the sky
Just once I wanna live a lie
I ask why but there’s no reply
It’s like shit don’t matter when you’re way up high
I wanna fly I wanna fly
Leave this goddamn life
Say goodbye
I wake up in the morn to an incessant alarm
Not movin’ not thinkin’ tryin’ to stay in the calm
Of this bed, of this embryo, so quiet and warm
So tranquil and blissful at peace in the storm
Dyin’ to remain in this moment before thinkin’
Before identity crashes in waves like they’re breakin’
On the shores of my mind washing pure awareness away
As I recall who I am I feel heavy as clay
‘Cause I have to endure yet another fuckin’ day
Of fake smiles, fake words in a life that I hate
Show false love to false people, every moment killin’
What’s inside of myself, I feel like a villain
As I smile and smile, betray my deepest convictions
For these bosses, these teachers, these parents, these sections
Of society who’ve forgotten the dreams
Of a child who believes in wonder, with a gleam
In his eye he’s a hero, an artist, an actor
She’s a singer, a physicist, no man is her captor
Seein’ them hollow now, wraiths in a boardroom
I’m sick to my stomach, I’m one of the ghosts too
I look in the mirror, can’t stand what I see
I fuckin’ hate everyone but most of all me
I come home exhausted in body and mind
I grope and I struggle, need badly to find
Some way to fulfill this yearning inside
To reclaim my stolen dignity and pride
If I had only one wish to express I would shout
I gotta get out. I gotta fuckin’ get out.
Chorus
Everyday is a struggle, every moment a fight
What the fuck am I doin’? Where is the light
At the end of this infinite tunnel so dark
I feel a presence so oppressive it’s extinguishing the spark
Of creativity in every sentient being
It gets buried so deep it might never be seen
In an individual who is defeated every minute
By daily concerns, he can barely conceal it
But it’s there, ever-present, hidin’ under the surface,
That desperate need for somethin’ beyond this
Excuse for a life we create for ourselves
And get trapped and wrapped up in an infinite hell
They say life’s a bitch and you die, you see
But they wrong it ain’t a bitch, it’s fuckin’ Zyklon B!
It’s like you enter a room, alert, uncertain
Somethin’ fills the air, your lungs, your chest start burnin’
Your insides blister with indescribable pain
And you start clawin’ you start screamin’ you start goin’ insane
As you fight your way to the top of the pile
Lookin’ for some way out though it’s futile
And you die under the crush of a hundred others like you
The phrase “rat race” was never so true
An apt metaphor for industrial existence
Everyone scramblin’ under the pretense
That it matters what you do, who you are, what you about
You been bent-over, you been drugged the fuck out!
By images of riches, mass media stars
Tricked-out Escalades, Burberry scarves
So keep buzzin’ on, drones in a hive
Maybe a marriage will save us, a husband or wife
To fill the emptiness, that suspicion that something’s not right
That gnaws away at us in the middle of the night
But as the sun rises we try to forget what we feel
Push it away, don’t think about grabbin’ that steel
To end it all in one swift crack of thunder
Help me, please, I’m drownin’, I’m goin’ under
Chorus
Sometimes I ask myself why the fuck I’m bitchin’
I got clothes, parents, food in the kitchen
Why can’t I shut up, get on with my life
I got more than some will see, right?
But if that is true, why does my soul feel so weary?
Why is my chest so tight, my eyes so bleary
Why do I wanna scream at the end of each day,
Shout my fuckin’ lungs out, make the whole world fuckin’ pay
For bein’ trapped in this monotonous existence
Kissin’ ass and eatin’ shit, workin’ for this pittance
So I can live, die, pass this life to my kids
Does anyone see how fucked up this is?
A man named Victor Frankl lived through the Nazi camps
Had this to say about pain, about angst:
Suffering’s like a gas, no matter how much there is
It will expand and fill the whole space that it’s in
So whether it’s imaginary or whether it’s real
I die everyday from the pain I feel
And here we are trapped in a circle so vicious
Our time in this world is infinitely precious
Yet we squander it in rage and desperate aggression
Or self-pity and consumption like we all fuckin’ rushin’
To our deaths, afraid to take a good look around us,
Killin’ time, killin’ lives, is this all that surrounds us?
But if we stop rushin’, stop fuckin’ is that better?
‘Cause then we might see all that we’ve done to each other
And this world of ours, which we have exploited and raped
They say love conquers all, but I only see hate
And fear and greed, and desolate need
How do I better myself when I gotta eat?
It’s easy to say to take all of that anguish
“Stop wearin’ it like a badge, get rid of that baggage!
Take all that sufferin’, all that hurt and the anger
And use it to make yourself wiser and stronger!”
Have you tried that shit when you shakin’ at night
From the indignities of the day, from fight after fight?
It’s damn near impossible, the bottle’s just callin’
I gotta fight this now too? After a day of just fallin’
Through dream after dream and endless frontin’
Sometimes I wonder if I just stopped strugglin’
What would I do, who would I be?
When I look in the mirror, what would I see?
Don’t wanna look back at my life when I’m grey
See a man with no story, just faded away
I’d rather be a failure, disgraced, spit-on, shit-kicked
Than a nothing who went nowhere and accepted this shit
I look at the wraiths all drifting around me
Half-humans with no vision is this all that surrounds me?
Their eyes dull and desperate, their voices false and flat
I ain’t gonna go out lookin’ like that
I’ll be dead and fuckin’ scattered before I go out like that.
Chorus
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